Do you ever have those days when you feel insane? Like, mood swings, where you jump from “I should go to the hospital so I don’t kill myself” to “I am on top of the world!”? It’s not bipolar because he mood swings are way to sudden, but it’s something. I woke up this morning convinced that I was either going to hit up a friend for 20 vicodin or finally go to the hospital and bite that bullet (in a lot of ways, I think that the hospital would be worse than suicide because I would still be alive to have to face all of the never ending fake sympathy and over-bearing concern of people) but then, I just hit good mood mode. Now, I think that I am working on heading back to my normal depressed state, but I had 5 or 6 hours with amazing self esteem and a great mood. I’m not sure what it is and I’m not sure if it is something that anyone else has felt, but it is a very strange way.
(“hate me today. hate me tomorrow. hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you. hate me in ways, ways hard to swallow. hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you.” -Blue October, “hate me”)