Once again feeling this pain. I’ve always felt it and I always thought it was strangely normal that everyone felt the same. I remember being as young as 6 alone in the backyard depressed. The sounds of windchimes remind me of how sad and lonely I always was. I just can’t seem to bear with it right now. Love has been lost again. Two years together and I was deep in a slump. Just started taking meds again but it was too late. Two weeks after starting pills and my gf has broken up with me. I wouldn’t say anymore that I’m feeling depressed, just a complete lack of any fucking emotions. I can’t help but think why go on? I actually started feeling ok but then my gf dumps me. If she only knew how horrible the timing was. I have a feeling she has already moved on and I’m sure her friends and family all condone her actions because “I was making her miserable”. I can’t help to think this was very selfish. Its not the first time its happened to me either. I know its a shitty thing to say but I would love to give her the guilt of my suicide. I can find no reason to go on. Things are always grey for me, I’ve got no ambitions, no motivation, and not a feeling left in my body. Don’t wanna hear “it will get better” because I know all to well it may but I’ll be down in the shit again. People try and tell me its all in your head and life is what you make it. In my head there is no good and I can’t seem to make anything work out. Fuck depression
1 comment
I’m not here to tell you the generic, cliched “life will get better” because the fact is, for many people living in this world, life never does get better. People may feel they hit rock bottom, but only continue to go down what seems like an endless hole. What I will say though is that expressing your emotions either through telling someone who actually understands (not some person who will pity you and tell you to suck it up) or writing it out can help. A lot of normal people don’t really understand the pain that depression can cause because they have no firsthand impression of it. It’s tough, but I would say stay around and see what happens. If, in the end, you truly do not want to go through life anymore, then it is your own decision. No one but yourself should decide how to live your life. I hope for the best.