So I figured it out today.
Why I’m like this and why I feel this way all the time.
I’m not depressed. Honestly. There’s nothing in my life for me to be depressed about. I’m not sad.
But I AM apathetic. It’s hard to find a reason to care. It’s hard to find motivation to keep me staying here. It’s easier for me to just think, “Why even bother? Why should it make a difference at all? Does it even matter?”
I try to keep my head up by expecting something exciting, but nothing changes. Life has just become a mundane cycle for me and I’m stuck in the center of it. I can’t really stand the mediocrity. Everywhere I look, I’m not surprised, nothing changes. Everything is just stagnant.
It seems a selfish reason for wanting to go, I agree, but honestly all the bad and all the good don’t even matter to me anymore. All that’s really left for me in the end is the emptiness.