The only reason I’m still alive Is that I’m so afraid of failure, that I can’t even pursue to take my own life. I am so afraid of surviving yet another attempt. How pathetic is that?
I see no light in the end of the tunnel, my future is a void, a black hole, where nothing can or will exist. I usually hate every single person I meet, not because they are rude, just because I feel inferior, they are happy, lovable, beautiful.
I can never hide, or run from this feelings I’m having. I can’t talk about these feelings, because they are so deeply rooted that I can’t even make sense of them.
I’ve tried therapy, maybe It works for some, I don’t know, but I do know It didn’t help me. Maybe It was the shrinks fault, but most likely it was my fault, I wasn’t trying hard enough, I never do my best, I never try hard enough.
I see no reason to live when It’s not fun, I know It can’t be fun all the time, but It should be bearable. I use to think getting a girl would solve all of my problems, but it only made it worse.
We broke up a few days ago, the reason was, and I’m quoting here: “You are to destructive, I can’t be with some one like you, you’re dragging me down, I am so afraid of loosing you, that I have to let you go, It would be the best for the both of us.”
Spot on, spot on. That is what one gets when he share’s his thoughts, people can’t handle the truth, cause If they could, they would be in this boat with me, feeling like me, the truth being, life is not fun, never will be fun. Yeah sure, for the ignorant mob It might be, the Ã¼ber religious type, the ones with IQ lower than 80 (aka retarded, or semi retarded.)
You probably won’t make any sense of what I just wrote, doesn’t matter, I just needed to clear my thoughts. Thanks.