The only reason I’m still alive Is that I’m so afraid of failure, that I can’t even pursue to take my own life. I am so afraid of surviving yet another attempt. How pathetic is that?
I see no light in the end of the tunnel, my future is a void, a black hole, where nothing can or will exist. I usually hate every single person I meet, not because they are rude, just because I feel inferior, they are happy, lovable, beautiful.
I can never hide, or run from this feelings I’m having. I can’t talk about these feelings, because they are so deeply rooted that I can’t even make sense of them.
I’ve tried therapy, maybe It works for some, I don’t know, but I do know It didn’t help me. Maybe It was the shrinks fault, but most likely it was my fault, I wasn’t trying hard enough, I never do my best, I never try hard enough.
I see no reason to live when It’s not fun, I know It can’t be fun all the time, but It should be bearable. I use to think getting a girl would solve all of my problems, but it only made it worse.
We broke up a few days ago, the reason was, and I’m quoting here: “You are to destructive, I can’t be with some one like you, you’re dragging me down, I am so afraid of loosing you, that I have to let you go, It would be the best for the both of us.”
Spot on, spot on. That is what one gets when he share’s his thoughts, people can’t handle the truth, cause If they could, they would be in this boat with me, feeling like me, the truth being, life is not fun, never will be fun. Yeah sure, for the ignorant mob It might be, the über religious type, the ones with IQ lower than 80 (aka retarded, or semi retarded.)
You probably won’t make any sense of what I just wrote, doesn’t matter, I just needed to clear my thoughts. Thanks.
3 comments
I feel the same way, you couldn’t of hit the nail on the head any harder. I can relate to these feelings and thoughts. The part that I agree with most is “people can’t handle the truth, cause If they could, they would be in this boat with me, feeling like me, the truth being, life is not fun, never will be fun.” That is so true. I also feel inferior to a lot of people because I feel inadequate to them and like they are experiencing a better quality of life and are loved and care for. I have tried councelling, phychistrists the lot and nothing has helped me either. I have NO friends so that doesn’t help, but like you, I like to share my thoughts, I can’t go by just pretending I’m someone else just so people will get on with me and talk to me. So I’m like you really. You can talk to me if you want because It all made sense to me and it’s always good to clear your thoughts with a person that actually understands. I don’t know if you have MSN but if you do add me, I’d love to chat to ya, if not then send me an e-mail anytime, I’ll always respond vazzie_ere_chillin@hotmail.co.uk
Hello; you’ve both read my thoughts and the short story of my life is that I’ve never been able to maintain any kind of personal relationship for all the reasons you’ve stated.
I believe my brain is wired incorrectly and in my case it’s hereditary. There were major issues of our type, and a few more besides, on both sides of parent’s families. So I asked my Mom, (both parents KNEW all this), you two decided that the SMART thing to do was BREED? Three fu*cked up kids? Good going. Thanks for nothing. For that very reason, I made sure I would never be able to conceive and pass on the family jewels.
Thanks for listening.
Being angry at the world and the moronic people in it is no reason to kill yourself. I you have no hope, you have nothing to lose. Why would you then end it all quietly on your own? If you’re going to do it, at least do something to fuck with the system before you go. There are so many things I’ve wanted to do but haven’t because I’m scared of losing what I have. I’m certain there are many others who are the same.
You didn’t break up because you shared your thoughts. You broke up because you were trying to mend a personal problem with a girlfriend. Logic should tell you that you have to like yourself before you can like someone else. Plus, you seem to almost want to fail before you even try something. I’m surprised you managed to get a girlfriend in the first place.