I made a promise to myself a long time ago, that on the day I get seventeen, I will kill myself. But sadly I can´t do it. I have nohting to live for. I have no friends I can trust, my family doesn´t care about me. And the persons that act sometimes like my friends don´t even talk to me anymore because were put in different classes. But why to I cling to this life?Why? I can´t even cut myself, i just make tiny scares that i can only see.
It is my birthday and nobody has wished me happy birthday. If only could just disappear. The pain would be over Because of this it even hurts more. If only i would be stronger.
I am in tenth grade, my so called classmates don´t even talk to me, they avoid me. And who can blame them, who would want to be with a person that suffers from depression. Nobody understands me and nobody would care if one day i would just be gone.
6 comments
You cling to this life for the same reason we stay in bad relationships, we fear the alternative, we give up, we succumb to the bad because we think that’s what we must deserve.
You see it as being trapped inside a burning building. The flames are going to kill you eventually anyway, so do you jump out of the window to get it over with quickly. Only you can decide, you can’t ask someone to push you out the window, you can only ask yourself.
Btw: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!
No-one wakes up one day and says ‘I think I’m gonna be depressed’, it’s not something you can help, your environment does it to you, that including your friends that would rather avoid you than offer anything of any real worth to you. Hardly anyone possesses the ability to offer you help because they’re programmed not to, they have NO IDEA what you need, they see you as a drain on their happiness. You are NOT to blame for how people treat you, unless of course you are a danger to them, which I doubt very much that you are.
The reason you are not friends with these people is because you go deeper than them. Even if you were friends with them, you would not be satisfied because you need something to reach the depths that they don’t possess.
@ThomasGreene
You are right about people not knowing how to help me, even i don´t have a idea how to make myself feel better.
In the summer i went to shrink and everything she did made me feel more angry at myself because i felt like i am the reason i am depressed. The way i see the world is wrong. It helped really much. Made me hate myself even more.
And those friends only think of drinking and talking shit about all the rest. They don´t understand me and maybe nobody will ever understand me. Maybe i am ment to be all alone in the world.
I want to jump but I just keep hoping that maybe i will get over depression, and i will find people that understand me and don´t use me just to make themselfes look better.
Then there is your answer right there; ‘hope’. This is why you can’t kill yourself. You are still involved with life, you think you’re not, and that you hate life etc, but you are still a little bit in love with it. Shrinks are people educated in a certain way, they have nothing whatsoever to do with people or their feelings – unless of course, they have been severely depressed themselves.
Your outlook seems to be that you are ‘wanting’ people to help you, to like you, to love you. You seem angry, and that means something has failed you, you had expectations that did not come into fruition. Look around you, you can only BECOME what you see, you can make IT become what you want, or what you are. To live happily in society you need to be what it wants from you, you can’t fight it or you will be in turmoil your whole life.
@ RedWine93: You are right, shrinks only make you more angry and depressed. All they want is your money.
If you WANT to be happy, you are already on the way to freedom.
Here read this: it is not directly pointed at you, but I believe many things that are written here will make you think again about everything you knew so far.
http://darkbluemoss.blogspot.com/2010/09/quest-for-popularity.html