I want to stay alive because I love laughing and dancing, I love music, the weather, the river and the garden. There’s so many films I haven’t seen yet, so many books I’ve still to read. I love traveling really early on a Saturday morning when everyone’s still in bed and the roads are clear, and I’m escaping to somewhere remote for the weekend. I love sitting in sweet little coffee shops and watching the world go by; the world that I hate in the main, but now and again I see the movement of a kind person and it touches me to tears and fills me with love.
I want to die because everything I love comes at a high price of me having to do everything I hate, most of the time. I hate being mugged constantly by the system. I hate that I have tried to work out how I can live doing the things I love in the main as apposed to now and again, and finding no suitable situation that doesn’t bring more troubles (such as being poor). I feel as if I live in a prison and still I take joy from looking out of the window now and again. What is outside of that window is mine! I believe that my purpose for being alive is to enjoy this planet, not be a slave to a man made system. The older I get, the less I can tow the line and pull myself together because this system is criminal. I have been abused by this system my whole life, like everyone else. I just can’t do it anymore. What is the alternative to suicide?