my husband just went fishing and i wondered if i should be alone but i found this site. he’s an amazing person, funny, kind, smart, handsome. And last night I just destroyed him with my own bullshit that I can’t heal from. I don’t deserve him. It would be so easy right now to take my pills all at once and lay down on the couch with the pups. I would finally be pain free but you know the single thing stopping me, i would humiliate him by doing this to him. I could not embarass him by this. All of my students would see me for who i am, the neighbors who think i am so pulled together would laugh that i’m a fraud. but he would be free of me. i think the pups would miss me but they have him too. this is all because of my own self-loathing that i was so mean to him last night. i would do anything i could to take back all i did to hurt him. i don’t deserve him. i don’t know what to do to fix me. i’ve tried counseling, working so much so i don’t have to think. medication. all i can think about is that he deserves someone better than what he has now.
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If he thought he deserved better he would let you go, he obviously sees something in you that’s special to him. Don’t doubt yourself, you don’t need fixing just a bit of a helping hand, it will get better.
“Forgiveness is God’s invention for coming to terms with a world in which, despite their best intentions, people are unfair to each other and hurt each other deeply. He began by forgiving us. And he invites us all to forgive each other.”