my husband just went fishing and i wondered if i should be alone but i found this site. he’s an amazing person, funny, kind, smart, handsome. And last night I just destroyed him with my own bullshit that I can’t heal from. I don’t deserve him. It would be so easy right now to take my pills all at once and lay down on the couch with the pups. I would finally be pain free but you know the single thing stopping me, i would humiliate him by doing this to him. I could not embarass him by this. All of my students would see me for who i am, the neighbors who think i am so pulled together would laugh that i’m a fraud. but he would be free of me. i think the pups would miss me but they have him too. this is all because of my own self-loathing that i was so mean to him last night. i would do anything i could to take back all i did to hurt him. i don’t deserve him. i don’t know what to do to fix me. i’ve tried counseling, working so much so i don’t have to think. medication. all i can think about is that he deserves someone better than what he has now.