For all those that are on the edge and trying one last ditched effort to hang on by being here….let me tell you what I did and why. I’m in a controlling loveless marriage…have been for 32 years now. I’ve been beaten, belittled, told I was worthless as a woman. I got so low that I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up so that I wouldn’t have to feel this way ever again. So I took 2 bottles of benzodiazapan which I’d been saving for the moment, downed it with a bottle of wine, kissed my two little kids goodbye, climbed into bed to die quietly so no one would know till morning came. Then I would finally be “asleep”. I drifted off…tears flowing knowing I’d never see my two babies again. I woke up in a hospital to the sounds of the doctors trying to tell my husband that I really meant this and was “lucky” to be alive and that he had to find out what was wrong that I’d do this to myself. He grumbled something about not having the time. I hated him so much for how low he’d made me feel and vowed that he’d never have me there again. I got a job, some financial backing and freed myself a bit. He mellowed somewhat but it was too late. He’d killed off part of me already. One things I learned…its YOUR LIFE…its YOUR GIFT….sometimes it might be the last thing you have on this Earth…and don’t EVER let anyone take it away from you. If they don’t understand or care enough about you then that’s their problem, not yours. Stay strong…there is always another way but you need to be strong to find it. I’ve found someone that I love more than anything now and I’m trying to get life sorted out with him. He lives 10,000 miles away. We’ll get there and so will you.
Been there…done that!