Whenever I am awake I feel the ever strengthening urge to just end the suffering…….EXCEPT after I get high……after I blaze out, I always feel as though I have been blowing things out of proportion. BUT after some time passes and the high wears off, I feel the urge again and I feel the reasons (pain) to go ahead with my plans again. One of these days I may end up succumbing to the urge and I don’t know what to expect. I do know that continuing to live a life wrought with mental and physical pain is not the smartest thing to do either. I always hear the same shit from “normal” people……….”well, at least your alive”…….and I just want to scream…..”THAT’S NOT A GOOD THING DAMN IT!!!” but they will never understand the pain involved with living MY life. However I die (by my own hand or natures) I CAN’T WAIT…………
5 comments
hey i know those feelings … pain is just excruciating but!!!!!
i would advise you to try this-
-make the plan ,assemble all the things required
-once you have done that you will be the king of world. if anything goes wrong now you can always end your life without facing the consequences
-do what you always wanted to do e.g. i proposed the girl that i like
and guess what she accepted ,now this doesn’t improve anything as mental pain is overwhelming but it lightened things for a few months.
remember one thing- you don’t have to suffer .it’s your choice
there is no god .there is no one seeing you and judging you.
there is no hell or heaven, there is just this enigma that has your consciousness that gets complicated as you grow up.
good luck
Of course no one wants to. However, nothing changes unless we make it change. This website helps us find the strength to take charge of our destiny.
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.†– Maria Robinson
“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.†– Ralph Emerson
Man, I can relate to the getting high thing. It’s so expensive though, but without it I just feel like crap. If they legalized that stuff in the U.S. I might be able to stand sticking around at least until I started getting too old.
Makes me wish that my mom just would have had an abortion so that I never would have had to deal with this mess. I was born blue and not breathing so I should have died that day 29 years ago but I did not and it feels like I am being punished for it now. There is no god…..only positive and negative energy. It’s a balance and like it or not, some of us just have to take the shit end of the stick while others don’t have a care in the world.
If you don’t feel like killing yourself when you’re high then maybe you can just go to a psychiatrist and explain the situation and get some meds? There are many different reasons to want to die but sometimes it’s driven by a chemical imbalance in your brain. Prescribed meds might keep you “high” more consistently than your current drugs and thus make life better.