So, I’m tired of life. All I do is daydream because life is so dull. I feel like I fucked up my life and my brain. I have depression, my stepmom/stepbitch (as i like to call her) is a *****, my dads a moron, my brother’s annoying and my friends are more like enemies. I fell in love with this perfect girl since 3rd grade and would think about her all the time. she rejected me on myspace. it devastated me. i tried marijuana and theres a chance it fucked my brain up, maybe im just paranoid. now i sit and dream as i stare at a dull wall. i dream about my cousin jasmine, very in cest thoughts about her. shes pretty cute. my dads a jehovahs witness and forces his ****** religion upon me. i used to like basketball 2 years ago but now i dont. i think my depression is causing me to dislike everything i liked to do. i am becoming less and less interested in video games already. music is probably what keeps me from going crazy(maybe im just trying to overexagerrate but yeah whatever). i keep imagining my death. i imagine whats the origin of life ive hyperventilated and cried at night because of stress. i have extremely low self-esteem. these are just my disorganized thoughts. I wish nycolle felt the same way and i wish i didnt kiss my 9 year old neighbor(im 15). i feel very fucked up and wish suicide could be the restart button to try again. my mom has suffered to make me happy. she bought me a car early even though i still have a few months till i get my permit and she spent $2000 that she could have used to go to cancun in mexico. my friend told me her homie died of suicide and she also once told me she had to dig a grave for one her friends 6 feet into the ground. shes taken a bullet, been shanked and im bitching over my step mom telling my dad to ground me for leaving a pillow on the floor(exagerration). Damn dude i wish i could have been friends with nycolle and her friends so i could at least get a hug from her. i wish i could have stopped myself from sending those love messages on myspace and facebook. i wish icould have stop-ped myself from kissing my neighbor i wish i could have asked that cute blonde girl to dance. i wish i could have told my dad i wasnt okay with him marrying that slutty wife of his, my stepmom. i wish i didnt spend all that time playing video games. i wish at least one of those 2 girls could have said yes to me.
So i wish i had a gun so i dont have to suffer this bullshit
i wish my heart was blackened and my emotions disappeared.
I wish… I was dead.
Pretty much all i will say for now
3 comments
Your 15 you have the ability to turn everything around don’t commit suicide because a girl rejects you, she may seem like the one right now but there are plenty of others. Your real mother sounds like she really cares about you don’t do that to her! maybe you should try talking with her. Also if you aren’t that confident try some forms of exercise, weight lifting or jogging, or maybe a sport or something your good at? You shouldnt be wasting your life right now and feeling depressed from what you said all of this can be changed.
Best of luck.
i’m feeling similar,if you want just talk my email is twwarrior@gmail.com
… Well since my depression worsened it is very hard to motivate me to do anything. I wish I could get out of this slump, but about a month ago I lost the depression for a week, ignoring all my misfortunes, but I noticed I seemed to like having depression, because either I have it and mope around or I am even farther from being anything. I will probably suffer for the next few years with my depression or end up as a crazed lunatic(maybe my imagination running amuck), but I never… EVER!!! Take any chances, and probably suffer because I choose to take the bullet out of the gun. (thinking about eminem songs as I write, so they are slight references to it) I will tell you that I cannot be motivated by small compliments like ,” Oh! But you’re so smart, why don’t you try at school.” I am sorry I may go off topic too much if I do.