I got the call today, from my doctor that is. It turns out my endometreosis has given me a tumor, a tumor that is infact malignant. With my family history and the way my health is currently, things arent exactly looking up. My mom and dad dont know. I could never break my moms heart likethat, i love her too much. As for my dad, well, he can just go to hell. We’re supposed to get married, love, in only two months. But thinking now, i cant. What if, it turns terminal, what if it takes me? Knowing the risk factor in this, i could never do that to you. I know you will want to be by my side every step of the way, and as much as id love you to be, i just cant let that. I cant take you down with my sinking ship. I watched my grandmother die from cancer, its a slow painful death, one i cant let you be privy to. the worst part of this, is knowing what im leaving behind. im not afraid to die, not at all. I am, however, completley broken knowing that i am leaving you behind when i am ripped from this earth.
You came into my life at such a horrid point. I was in an abuisive relationship that was 4 years long at that point. i tried convincing myself everything would be ok, that his and my love was still true,adn that we’d make it. i was 3 months pregnant, andhe beat me. i lost the baby, and he was nowhere to be found. who stayed up all night with me, crying just as bad that i lost my little boy? you. during that dark horrid point in my life, you were my ray of hope. knowing that im going to lose my hope, my love, my life…absolutley kills me.
i dont want this to drag out, i dont want this pain to drag on forever. i dont want to go through the last few months i may have left without you. so why live? cause without you in my life, i dont. i dont live at all. i dont function, i do not exist. i dont know how to handle this, i dont know how to feel. i just want this pain over with, its just too real.
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This really made me cry. I never really admit my feelings for anything, but I’m so truly sorry about this…just when you found your true love, something had to happen and destroy everything…. I’ve always wished for a cancer or a medical problem so I could die faster… I actually wished for that and wanted that. But you, you didn’t even want it. I’m so sorry.. I wonder why you hafd to get it. If anyone deserved it it would be me. I’m truly sorry about everything. I will pray and wish that your tumor will go away. Your post rly touched me. I think I’ll write a story or a novel and publish to be a tribute for you. Your post made me realize how precious life is. I’ve been planning to forcefully run into a road where a truck is driving and jump in front of it so I’ll get runover. I was planning to do that tonight. But I’m changing my mind. Life is so precious…. I love you for making me realize that.
I’m so glad to hear, truley I am. It’s extreamly difficult, and he really doesn’t understand why I won’t let him go through the process and see me like this. He doesn’t see that I’m only protecting him. I want him to move on and find someone else to cherish and hold, someone to have long after I’m gone. I only want what’s best for him, but he doesn’t see it as such. We’re so young, and I know for a fact if the hand was on the other foot, and I stuck around, once he passed I’d never be able to move on. He’s my heart, my soul, my world. If he leaves now, he can find someone and move on and be happy, and not be alone the rest of his life.
He deserves nothing but happiness. Not to mention, I can’t have children Now, and he needs to be a daddy someday. He’s really made for it.
I only wish my time with him wasn’t so short
I only wish that I would have seen he was mine long before i left ny scumbag ex.
But unfortunatley I cannot change that, I can’t change any of it.
I really hope things turn out well for you. All my love.
It is hard knowing how to incorporate a loved one in our struggles or burdens. My husband when we were dating had a similar conversation. He was so pissed that I was going to break up with him if I had HIV. Bc I didn’t want him to be pulled into my struggle and have it impact him. I tried to explain that I was going to break up with him for his good bc I was looking after his best interest.And yet he was still upset. He told me that it wasn’t fair for me to make that decision for him.
If you want to marry him then give him a chance to make his choice for himself. Tell him the diagnosis and explain the ways you fear it will hurt him that you wouldn’t want him going through. But despite that if he decides he has taken those things in account and wants to marry you and perservere with you through this, then don’t take that away from him.