Don’t even deny it. You could fear the pain, if it fails and you have more pain then before. Maybe you fear the afterlife? No afterlife? It’s a reason most people keep going. Everyday I think about an escape from school, from grades, from drugs, from my family. But then, I still feel that i’d miss so much. I’m 15, and I don’t feel like I can wait until i’m 18 to get out of this. It’s so confusing. I’ve tried to kill myself before and dealt with self injury since I was 12. I never realized how much of an affect it had on some one to find some one they love possibly dead. I can’t do it while my mom is still alive, and I can’t deal with this. Even if my mom sobered up, even if my dad died when I was 5 and I should move on, even if I can defend myself when my brother hits me, even if I could get good grades, even if I could stop doing drugs. I just feel like i’m in too far.
I suppose I COULD deal with it. But I get too much shit from teachers and cops. I’m not going to pay attention, i’m not going to do the homework. Why can’t they understand that? Yet the only sweet escape would hurt everyone I know. I’m just scared..