What scares me the most is that after all of these years, I take a rather pragmatic approach to determining the value of my life. I am 29 years old and will turn 30 in a couple of months.
My financial situation worsened as a result of bad familial circumstances. I no longer see a way out. It seems life will always be a constant struggle because of the long-term impact of my choices. I am so tired of struggling that I cannot justify choosing a lifetime of struggle, which is more than likely my future.
Throughout my 20s I lived with abusive alcoholics. I still live with an alcoholic mother. They went into foreclosure, and I bought a home for them to move into. I could not afford the home but had good credit and stated my income. Like a fool, I was so co-dependent and guilted myself into a very bad decision.
The home is in a small town and needs repair. I cannot sell it. To make matters worse I owe $60,000 in student loan debt and have a post-graduate education. I work 30 hours per week at $9 an hour.  I am from a bigger area, but I live here now… There are few jobs that would pay much more than that in this area.Â
I’m here for someone I love who I thought would have asked me to marry him by now. He reassures me he will.  I suspect he stalled because I have been so depressed and difficult.
I have to put on an act with him otherwise my depression upsets him. I just feel life has spiraled out of control and I will never get out of this financial mess. He is helping me. If we do not get married, I know I will not be able to make it on my own.
I know a lot is my fault. I feel things have gotten so bad I will never pull myself up again.
1 comment
Sweetie, you are 29, I am 50. Believe me…this is NOT the end of your life (even though I can well understand and would never, ever minimize that you might well think and feel that it is right now.)
I have made such awful mistakes in my past out of a sense of excessive loyalty and obligation to my own parents….but the thing to remember is – it is not the end of the world.
It really isn’t – though I can well appreciate that it might seem that way to you right now, to be sure.
I know, I know…this might sound really preachy and stuff…but the truth is…I mean – It’s not like you killed someone or anything – you know?
Right? (just to gain a little perspective here….)
Just made some really, really BAD decisions with what? What is your crime really? Having a really, really good heart….and now it is kind of all blowing up in your face?
This isn’t anything to be ashamed of. Hell, you gave them options.
Who can really fault you for that?
Maybe it is just time to draw a line in the sand – you know?
Sometimes (sadly) that is what it sometimes all shakes out to be.
You come to a point when you realize what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship…ANY relationship (including our parents, etc…) and then you just have to step back and let the chips fall where they may.
Be clear, concise and to the point. Sometimes the situation really warrants clear communication in the way of an ultimatum.
If such and such doesn’t happen by such and such a date…. then these (A, B, C) steps will follow as a natural consequences to THEIR choice and decision.
Sometimes….it just has to come down to being that (seemingly) brutal (of course, from their perspective)….for your own good.
Your last line said that you felt that things have gotten so bad I will never pull myself up again.
Yes. You will.
It is one thing to be supportive and crap towards alcoholic parents….quite another when it interferes with your own life plans to the point and extent and degree where you felt it necessary to even seek out this site in the first place because you feel that you have no other option.
Ain’t the case Puttingonanact.
This is NOT a hopeless situation for you. A bit trying, perhaps….but NOT the end of the line.
You are still very young and educated to boot. Nothing can take that away from you, even though you are only making $9.00 per hour. It will not always be this way. Though this might sound harsh – cut your losses now.
Figure out a Plan B and C for yourself with or without a fiance.
Believe me…..all is not lost. This will not end you.
Sometimes in our lives, there just comes a point and time and place in which we just have to reprioritize. (spelling?) Giving ourselves the #1 spot/position against all odds and in the face of doing all that we could for others, given the circumstances and then honey…just have move on from there with no regrets knowing….in our hearts ot hearts that we did just the absolute best we could for others…and it was really up to them to either take the ball and run with it or let it lie ~ to which, either way….we really don’t have any control over anyway.
You did your best. Its impacting you in a very severe way. There really is no more than you can do right now than to move on and feel that you DESERVE a life free of all these excessive obligations and loyalites which were really – not yours to even contend with in the first place….you follow me?
You WILL make it. To thine own self………….be true!!!!!!
It WILL all work out. Everything will BE OK.
Just trust in this. Believe me…. I KNOW what I am talkin’ about here!
(((PUttingOnAnAct)))))