I’m hoping by writing this maybe some of my feelings can become a bit clearer. Maybe someone wiser than myself will shed a bit of light on how I’m feeling and provide a different perspective. But then again maybe not. I’m a pretty darn rational person and I find myself considering suicide more and more often. Though, I just can’t see myself doing that to my remaining family. So I’m not really at risk, just a miserable person. I don’t honestly see things changing. Things that we can control, we can change. Things we don’t control, we can’t change.
Obviously, someone always has it worse, right? Well, by telling someone with 6 months to live, “Hey, don’t get down, there’s someone out there without only 6 weeks left to live”, this really doesn’t say anything more than-Lots of people are in crappy situations. Just because people have it worse than you doesn’t mean shit. It just means you’re both fucked!Â
Anyways, I’m not dying. I’m in decent health. I have a good job. I don’t have financial issues. I’m educated. I have a couple of family members still alive. So at least I have some people in my life. I have a good personality (as hard as that would be for people to believe reading this-I’m a happy/funny dude around others). I’m not overweight. But that’s about where stuff begins and ends. I simply exist. I honestly don’t think there is much of a future for me.
What’s the purpose of life? Well, ask different people and you’ll get different answers. I don’t think I can sum up the entire purpose but a pretty big part of life is simply to be happy. Maybe make connections with others? Something like that. I’m not happy for a lot of reasons. I have no friends. Literally none. Zero. I’ve had friends, but as you age, move away, stuff happens. I have no one. I’m ugly. This is the stuff I can’t control. I’m extremely pale, and losing my hair. Not a good combo. No amount of tanning changes how I look. I burn. If there was some cure for hair loss, believe me, I’d do it, but there isn’t. So as I age, I progressively become more and more unattractive. People equate pale skin with something bad, such as being sick. Being bald is made fun of. It’s a freaking joke to many people. You must live under a giant bolder if you think people treat the ackward looking to ugly people of this world well. Not even well, but how about simply humane? And it’s not just not being treated well or humane, it’s people going out of their way to be cruel. To comment on how you look in unflattering terms. That’s pretty fucked up if you ask me. And it’s one thing to comment on stuff people can change, like weight or clothes, but it’s another to comment on stuff people can’t change. It’s like making fun of someone who is retarded. You think they wanted to be born that way? You think the beautiful person did anything to deserve their good looks? No. It’s all chance. Some people get to enjoy life, and others don’t. But that doesn’t mean the less fortunate need to suffer. Not to mention when it comes to meeting people, friend or partner, women don’t give me a second look, and at my age, people just don’t seem to value friendship. So I work, come home, do chores, sometimes I exercise, and that’s about it. I have a few interests to pass the time. I don’t drink and I don’t do drugs. Funny thing is, when I was younger doing that stuff, my life was a ton better. People say user friends only take from you, but in reality, we all only engage in relationships that benefit us. Everyone wants something. You don’t have to agree with me, but believe me, you’ll never change my mind on that.
So I exist. Becoming physically more unattractive each day. So recently I’ve come to the conclusion, I’ll never have a partner. I’ll never have an intimate relationship as people need to be physically attracted to you. I just wasn’t blessed that way. But to not even have any friends? That’s a pretty solitary existence. A solitary existence of working to exist with bits of superficial happiness along the way. A vacation…buying something I want….Whoopee…Then I’m back to where it started. What the hell is the point? Wait out my time till I die? For the time being, I’m going to. As I said, the two people in my life, my two remaining family members, I could never do that to them. But shit is hard. People are mean. And I’m talking full grown adults in their 50’s and beyond, not just young kids or people in their 20’s. Cruel behavior knows no age. Superficial, careless, and rude people are everywhere, in all professions, with all levels of finance and education. Unless you’re as ugly as me, you’ll never believe me when I say. Strangers will stare….People will make negative comments within earshot. People will actually laugh at you just for being out.Â
As I said, I hope someone will shed some honest insight onto my situation. Not bullshit. Don’t give me anything close to…”Love yourself first”, “Be a friend to have friends”, “Looks don’t matter”, “Volunteer”, “You’re imagining a lot of this”, “Go see a doctor for medications or a counselor”, etc….Looks matter a ton in this world. They shouldn’t, but they matter more than anyone would ever be willing to acknowledge..Good looking people live happier, healthier lives, as they receive more positive reinforcement and have more options for both friends and companions….And if you don’t have them (good looks), you miss out. You miss out on romantic relationships. Friends….People in this world need at least one….I have none…I’ve have had zero for the past couple of years. It’s freaking embarassing…So looks and friendship…Both things I can’t control…If you can’t enjoy life with others, and have no options for that in the future, why even bother? This is what I’m trying to understand…
3 comments
Well each person has their own situation i guess alot of people say good looking people have it easier, maybe? i’m good looking and i have it harder than most people on here…
if your saying you feel suicidal because your so ugly i mean.. unless your elephant man who even he had a woman who loved him so.. there is someone out there for everyone, women like confidence no matter how ugly you are plus you have a good job, women also love money haha, sad but true. And maybe you could go buy a good wig like alot of the older politicians have? also maybe you should be looking for a woman with inner beauty and not care about her outward appearance as much? Dunno man i know you think you can’t change ugly which s true to a degree but you will always be able to find someone that you can love and will love you, so goodluck to you.
p.s. i’m sorry to hear about how cruel people are to you, alot of people are peices of shit who don’t know how hard it is for the rest of us, try not to let them bother you as much, thats what i do.
Sorry to hear your story the way it is blockhead. I am under a similar situation that you are in. Only thing keeping me from breathing is my family and friends.
Dont let caleb blow sunshine up your ass. No offense caleb but unless you are in your 20’s and losing your hair you try putting on a wig and see how you feel. Women obviously go for physical looks because they are lazy. They are not willing to go out with anyone else until they have kids with the douche bag. Now I know to me that sucks in more ways than countable numbers. I know this! It also appears that Caleb has never had a fatty. It is a known fact that fat people are more often to have genetic health problems then the thin ones. Bigger women are the more desperate ones to because they know that there clock is ticking too. I honestly do not want a women with genetic health issues to pass on to my children.
Your description of why you’re miserable rings true for me. I’m not in unbearable pain like many who post here, but there really isn’t a positive future for me so what’s the point?
As far as being ugly and not finding someone. Again, I understand completely. On the other hand, I remember seeing a video about a guy who suffered bad burns all over his face and body and was pretty mutant looking even after ‘healing’. The guy got married like 3 times after being burned and I’m pretty sure based on his injuries he wasn’t even sexually capable. The women weren’t bad looking either. So… figure out what that guy was doing or get ripped and shave your head completely like Vin Diesel…. or off yourself – whatever works.