There’s something I fail to understand about suicide, but I don’t mean to confuse anyone. I’ve been depressed for quite some time, and I, like so many others, see no point in life – any life at all. I understand what it’s like to yearn for death. So please understand that I know what pain is. I have a very important question for anyone who has ever felt this way.
Why us?
Well, I guess I’ll explain the question.
We are the sufferers in silence. We are the brothers and sisters who share a very important thing with one another: truth. We see the world for what it is. We don’t spit on our neighbors because we know what it’s like to be spit on. We try to hide our pain because we know how powerful real pain is. Silently, we hide our suffering from the world, because we feel like the world will break us if we let it.
Some of us accept this world. Those of us that do tend to linger on in misery. Why they do so is beyond me, so please understand that I’m not saying you shouldn’t kill yourself.
But WE refuse it. We deny this world the pleasure of torturing us. We commit ourselves to nothingness, prematurely ending our undeserved pain. WE all feel the same feelings. We are NOT alone, and I’m saying that WE shouldn’t kill ourselves.
We are a group of men and women, boys and girls, all of us dedicated to the ugly truth that this world is nothing but a shell of what it could be. The world is a fucked up place. Why is it that the ones who admit that fact are the ones who get left behind? Why us?
Maybe we SHOULD all just kill ourselves. But evolutionary instincts tell us not to. I say FUCK instincts. But let’s think about that for a moment. If we have the power to kill ourselves, we have the power to defy our instincts. This means that we have the power to effectively ignore the most powerful driving force on the face of this planet: the drive to live. Doesn’t that make us more powerful than all the stupid bastards who think it’s worth it to keep living through this hell?
I think it does, and I say we use that power. People don’t understand that this world is a wasteland. I don’t think they ever will. They’ll cling to their instincts like a child to its mother’s breast, never letting go of the foolish, false notion that this fucked-up life is beautiful.
But there might be a chance. Maybe we can show them what they don’t see. Alone, we are useless. We feel this way because it is true. As time goes on, it gets harder and harder for one person alone to make an impact.
Together, though, we have the power to fuck this world like it’s fucked us. And if we use that power, we just might be able to rid ourselves of the very people that make our species as fucked up as it is. Now I’m not saying we should commit murder. Who knows, though? Maybe we should. But murder is not the goal here.
What I’m saying is that we KNOW something. Life – as we know it – is miserable. This is something that the rest of the world won’t accept, but perhaps the idea hasn’t been presented in a way that they can understand. You see, we are BETTER than them. We understand what they don’t, won’t, or cant. But we just might be able to fix them. They won’t thank us. They won’t praise us. And they won’t apologize for shitting on us all our lives. But it would at least catch them up to speed.
Think about it. With all the world understanding and accepting that human beings need to change their ways, things might actually change. If everyone on the face of the planet stopped pretending they were alone and actually started voicing their thoughts, we might actually be able to make progress.
Isn’t that why all of you are here in the first place? To voice your thoughts, right? To feel like you’re not alone? To make a change? Any of these things ringing a bell? Well, let’s DO something!
Of course, there are some things we can’t control. Diseases, for example. Accidental deaths. The loss of loved ones. No matter how much we can offer this world, pain will still exist. But we, brothers and sisters, DO HAVE POWER. And I say we band together and fucking use it. We’ve been wasting ourselves away for far too long.
So let’s try to save this world. It’s clear that no one else is doing it correctly. Why not? The reason we’re all suicidal is because this place – this world – has fucked us over, one way or another. Why don’t we try to fix it? We can save our successors from feeling our pain!
And if the world refuses us still…if, in the face of unbending truth, the rest of our species still denies us…I say we burn this planet to its core. But I’m digressing a bit.
Allow me to reiterate my point. We are similar. We know this. This site is nothing but a vessel for each of us – as individuals – to meet others who share our pain. We all know now that we are NOT alone. So why the fuck aren’t we TOGETHER? Is there really even a reason?
I’ve spent almost my entire soon-to-be 20 years on this planet doing nothing but bitching. I hate this place – not my town, the entire planet. People sometimes agree. Just about everyone sees my points as valid. But no one does anything.
I say we change that. Let’s make a new website. Let’s set a goal and make a plan. Let’s change this place. Let us all unite in our acceptance of the ugly truth that this world is rotten, but let us at least try – just TRY – to UNITE so that we may fight for the fact that we have the power to change this place forever.
And if that’s not your goal – if you don’t care about making a change…if you just want to be happy and know that you’re not alone…you, too, might just find yourself a home.
But I’m sick of seeing sites like this. I don’t want people to hear me. People have heard me my whole life. It hasn’t changed jack.
I want people to hear US. I want OUR voices heard. I know I’m not the only one who wants this world to change, and I know I’m not the only one who thinks fighting together would be better than dying alone.
My email address is Devonfayr@gmail.com. Contact me. I’m a 19-year-old average male with nothing going for him. I’m not a leader. I don’t make websites. I’ve got no more than a worthless high-school diploma, and I, too, am sick of feeling alone.
Let’s get together, people. We understand each other. We understand that this world sucks and that it NEEDS to change. So let’s stop bitching.
Let’s get together and fucking do something about it.
14 comments
Hey man, I hear you and it all makes perfect sense to me. People (the world) just runs from truth. I swear. I don’t look blind because the tumor I had/have smashed my optical nerves. So my eyes look fine as does the rest of me (aside from all the tattoo’s I NEED to constantly symbolically bleed) but the FACT remains…..I can’t fuckin see well at all! But in addition to how fucked up it feels to lose everything that made you who you are I have to TRY to explain to people why it is that I come off like I am retarded due to the fact that I can’t see well enough to make out who the hell is calling my name or why I have to spend so much time trying to see how much money I have in my hand or where the fucking line is where I am to sign my name. They never have the response I guess I think I am looking for……it’s always the same shit. Either they just make some off handed comment about some dumb shit (you know just to skip over the badness that I just laid upon their closed off “don’t want to even acknowledge that the truth exists” world. Or they give me some useless advice. I do find it easier to just hide it all and they wonder why I wear black almost every day and just seem so serious. They would have blown theier fucking heads off if they found out that they would have to take injections for the rest of their lives like I did at the age of 15. My medical problems are just the tip of the ice burg and they already run from the FACTS. I have tried for a good while to get people to wake the fuck up but they ALWAYS run from the cold hard truth. It isn’t all bleak (as there IS hope for us humans) but they won’t even look at it so they can try to FIX what’s wrong. I could be cured but noooooooo, there is no money in the cure……it’s all in the disease……so diseased I must remain. I always have a small light of hope for humanity in my soul but trying to keep it lit is getting harder and harder. Seeing your post is pretty up lifting. I am glad that SOMEONE sees the problem and wants to fix it. I am with you…….If WE all stand up and end the madness, life for allot of us would be better. I will email you outside of the site. Thanks for your post dude!
I’m glad you understand the post. I have an unfortunate tendency to let my words differ from my meaning…
But I’m proud of myself and my ideas, and I know that there are others out there. I do believe there’s a difference between people who just like bitching (and therefor won’t want to do anything about how fucked this world is) and people who actually want to fight for change. I like to think I’m one of the latter. I’m sick and tired of just complaining. I want action, and I’m more than willing – I’m ready – to contribute to that action.
Maybe we can write some influential books. Maybe we can march somewhere. Maybe we can burn something. Really, all I’m saying is…maybe we should organize something and actually fucking try. If we don’t, all we’re doing is bitching and/or letting the world beat us.
And honestly, I don’t really have a problem with the world beating me down. I don’t. I don’t really mind the idea that any ONE person is suicidal because of this world’s problems. What bothers me is that ALL OF US let it beat us down, when ALL of us probably have more power together than anyone’s ever dreamed of.
True very true. Hey, check out The venus project and it’s off shoot activism branch – The Zeitgeist movement. Thezeitgeistmovement.com. or even watch the documentary “the Zeitgeist movie” at thezeitgeistmovie.com. Let me know what you think man, for reals…..they offer what our would should and COULD be. I have been hearing nothing but crickets from most people but SOME people (namely underground hip hop and other musicians) are down for the cause. It’s truth and we already know how people react to that………I have multiple copy’s of the first Zeitgeist movie, so if you watch it online and need some I can send them to you……..really, it’s a direction……shit, it’s the ONLY direction.
Hi S,
first of all I just want to say that I commend your well-written post, it definitely stimulated my mind and also touched my soul, and not only that, but also the fact that you do really want to make a meaningful CHANGE, before we eventually *die* anyway soon or later.
and I just want to tell you that I’m totally in for the idea. In fact, I (& there are like few others here in this site) have actually voiced out similar ideas of banding/joining together and DOING something as a GROUP.
some suggestions include making another website with some heartfelt ‘conclusive/thorough’ messages taken from this site,
creating a mailing list, doing some petitions, and even as simple as posting some heartfelt posts here & ‘spread it’ on social-networking sites like Facebook, Myspace, etc of yours, so other people (especially the good-but-currently-clueless folks will start to SEE the truth.
I believe you are quite new to this website, and I want to let you know that if you just skim a bit of some posts from 2-3 months ago, there were actually some very excellent, even very/most touching & heartfelt posts from some of the most beautiful souls/individuals I’ve ever known in my life! At the top off my mind right now, I can quickly recall names here such as “Splinter” and “Jenttar”, whose topics/threads have generated more than 20 comments above, which I believe this implicitly suggested that people here DO CARE.
But I completely agree that what’s truly lacking, IMHO, is the ACTION part.
Even I myself admit that I haven’t done much in following-through my deepest desire to DO something about my “banding/joining us together” idea few months ago (due to Life happens, stuff like that).
Furthermore, I honestly think that what’s seemingly lacking in this wonderful site is the organization and structure.
Honestly, I think this site lacks the efficient ‘archiving’ and ‘filing’ system for the user names and posts.
Too often I observe many good-excellent topics and comments (not saying that the other posts are ‘bad’ per se) EASILY got ‘pushed’ back further & further until they got ‘drowned’ and never seeing the lights anymore.
I actually often wish if only the Administrator of this site would want to change some aspects of the system, for example: to be like the common forums/message-boards format we’ve often seen in internet, then it would probably be much more efficient, and impactful to track the topics/posts, instead of we have to browse a lot through the monthly-archives, which I believe lots of people would probably just easily give-up before finding those good-excellent posts (unless if referred via links by some posters).
That’s why that until such *changes* would be made by the Administrator of this website, I totally & firmly agree with “making a special Website” and also for “banding together”, maybe at first initially through a mailing list first (is Yahoo-groups the BEST for mailing list available?).
The FIRST step, I believe, is to perhaps have someone to START creating one. Obviously a person who really loves to work-out the details and its practicality.
Tell me what you think about it!
Once again, excellent post, thank you for writing it, and in a way, have somewhat conclusively ‘summarized’ a LOT of many posts/topics in this site.
oh, I’ve actually found a quicker and ‘better’ way to tell you know of those TWO excellent topic-posts from Jenttar and Splinter, without posting the links here (which usually would irritatingly somehow have to WAIT for “moderation”, could take a couple of hours even one day).
so here’s how: just simply type into google search box: “suicide project + jenttar”, and right-away at the very top/first links you will see two posts:
1. Philosophy and ‘hope’ (by Jenttar,..she has left this physical existence..)
2. Let’s face it, we’re all evil in some way (by Splinter,..he has also left this physical existence)
3. and actually, a topic made by “steve-c” with my name as the title (simply google “suicide project niki steve-c” and click the first link with title “Niki”, my name).
I believe you’d see some interesting stuff/points there, along with many many comments down below these three seemingly ‘popular’ topics.
Tell you what I think? Isn’t it obvious?
I’m currently in a conversation with some others who expressed interest – namely, the person who posted before you. He pointed me to a thing called ZeitGeist. Here:
http://www.thezeitgeistmovement.com/
It’s definitely the best thing I’ve found so far, although it misses some of the things I’d like to address. For instance, the movement has nothing to do with victims of depression or suicidal thoughts. It’s just a really idealistic progressive movement.
Now that’s not bad at all – on the contrary, of course – but it misses the idea that a lot of people – especially on this site and sites like it – still don’t feel like they have a home. I want to make that feeling. I want progress WITH comfort, so I’m still very much interested in making a new site. A site that’s not for complaining or pretending but instead for healing and for moving forward.
The problem is that I don’t know anyone personally who’s interested or who’s good at ANY sort of programming or making / maintaining of websites. Do you?
Again, my email address is Senjion@msn.com. Don’t hesitate to email me, but thank you for posting on the site. The whole reason I started is because I want the people who do visit the site to start working for something.
I’ll check them out now. Thanks.
I honestly believe that people don’t want spirituality. People often look to spirituality primarily as an escape from the hell we call humanity. The changes that need to be made are the ones that we can actually make and see and measure. In my opinion, spirituality will only continue to act as (I don’t mean this negatively) a drug for people to “take off the edge”, so to speak.
I think the best thing for us is to make this world, this race – the one right in front of us – as great as we can. We must make the best with what we have, not pretend that we live in a better world where things aren’t as bad as they truly are.
I would say that a separate site should be made, but I honestly still don’t know if anyone has already made one for this exact purpose. I’ve really got no idea. But it can’t hurt to make one. If someone else does already have this idea, I imagine the fastest way to find them would be to advertise their (our) idea.
And for the record, I skimmed through the archives, and I looked over the posts you suggested. I hate that Splinter and Jenttar are gone. You’re certain?
@S : yes, it is 100% confirmed that they’re both gone. for Splinter, there used to be his friend who came & posted in this site telling how Splinter (his friend) has gone in a “car-accident” (little did they know that he must’ve committed his own suicide there).
for Jenttar,…I’ve been personally in contact with her, via Facebook, we’ve been exchanging some messages for two-weeks, before I’ve (& actually other poster named “talktome” here) noticed there were NO more responses from her. And then few days later, her friend personally messaged me in Facebook, telling that she (Jenttar) is dead.
What’s truly left now is both their sincere, heartfelt thoughts on this humanity, and what we should really DO, for those of us who are still alive here.
oh and btw, did you know that this website has started to appear & make into headline news?? google “more Suicide Project posters gone” and click on that link/article!
talk about getting more *media exposures* of what’s truly f*cked up with current humanity/society!
and S, I don’t know if a anyone has already made one for this exact purpose, but I’ll say let’s just make one new! There’s no loss in it, in fact it’s always for the BETTER, ie: another ONE ‘history’ and ‘important mark’ website on the vast web of internet for MANY people to see & witness, and spread the Truths and what-to-do about it!
If I were not too damn busy with my current ‘escape plan’ (yes I have my own set of problems, mainly with my parents..) and serious music-projects (plan to definitely make changes through music & even incorporate some stuff from this site!), I would actually take some time to create the website (albeit my honestly quite ‘low’ web-making skills too…but I could & willing to learn! all for this GREAT world/life-changing purpose!).
But it would definitely take some time (again, it’s because I’m not prolific at website-making)…what I want to know is if you, and other folks here, wouldn’t mind with the waiting-time?
I could always ask for my brother’s help (he has been designing my Music website, thanks to him for his help!),..but I’m afraid he won’t be interested at all at creating (or even to ‘help’ me creating) this particular website. he’s unfortunately MUCH different from me, in that he still want to do it if only there’s a profit/money in it. not for social cause or anything like that..
so I guess I need & should take this matter alone. Would be totally great if someone (or more people) is willing to help me with building/creating the website though..!
I’m currently planning out how we can expand. I’ll probably make more accounts on different sites and spread the word. I’ve told others already that my aim is to get one gigantic online meeting. Then, we can discuss what we’ll do, how we’ll do it, how we’ll advertise, etc.
Don’t take it all on yourself, and I implore you, don’t leave this world of your own accord. Change will only happen if someone makes it happen. You know we have the power.
Also, in case anyone noticed (or didn’t), my new email address is Devonfayr@gmail.com. This is the email address I’ll be using from now on. Please contact me if you’re interested in making a change, talking about it, or even if you just want to hear what progress is being made.
I don’t think I could say anything that hasn’t already been said by the look of the replies, so I’ll just say this.
-claps-
Kiyi: care to join the cause? We’re literally just a couple of people trying to find their footing, but we all know we’re not alone. My email address is above if you’re interested. I’ve got a few people contacting me so far.
If you’re looking for something already established and official, check this out:
http://www.thezeitgeistmovement.com/
Nothing to do with suicide or depression, but it certainly looks like progress in the making.