Lifeline

  October 22nd, 2010 by AlabasterAngel

Hello, I don’t really know if I should reveal my real name on this thing or not… You can just call me AlabasterAngel. After all, that is my username. Haha……. I shouldn’t make jokes. Most people who are on this site are probably not in the mood for a laugh. Unless you are. Then I thank you for the laugh.
…. I’ll get to the point.
Let me just start with my parents. My father is a great guy and spoils me whenever he can. My mother on the other hand is extremely abusive and forgets to tend to me unless there’s something in it for her.
I live with my father but I am still permitted to go live with my mother sometimes.
I love my father but I fear he spoils me too much. I have tried to talk to him to stop being my butler and to give me some discipline about earning what he buys me. He tells me that he buys me these things because ‘I’m his little Princess.’
That’s not a reason.
Now my father has no social life. I am one of the few humans he comes in contact with. He did however have a best friend.
Little Trooper.
Trooper was our dog. He was a Chihuahua. But he was very entertaining. We all loved him very much…
But yesterday… and yes, I mean just yesterday…. Little Trooper was attacked by an unknown animal and was killed.
It was the first time I had ever seen my father cry. His best friend, and my little buddy, was gone.

Let me change the subject.

Now, I have had suicidal thoughts in the past. But these were just minor emotional things. Like my computer crashing, or my mother saying that she was going to come pick me up.
But I really have had no good excuse to die. These probably aren’t good excuses what I’m telling you but it does feel good to let it out.
I have tried to kill myself. But I’ve always had a reason to keep myself from doing it.

My lifelines:
1. My stuffed rabbit, Mimzy
2.My boyfriend, (we’ll just call him Carter.)
3.My dog, Trooper
4. My confidence in myself for being able to know that I may finish highschool early

…..

Monday: I lose Mimzy. She is nowhere to be seen, I cannot find her.

Three lifelines left.

Tuesday: Carter breaks up with me because I don’t go to church with him. (My mother used to go to that church and got kicked out, so I prefer I didn’t go to a place where everyone has a grudge against my mother.)

Two lifelines left.

Thursday: Trooper is found dead behind the shed. Father won’t stop crying.

One lifeline left.

Friday (Today): I had turned in an essay that I was hoping to bring my grade up. The teacher returned it with a 14/50. She tells me that I don’t know how to write essays and that I need to take extra classes, this would severly demolish my chance of finishing school early.

No lifelines left.

So here I am. My life is just full of bad things that keep getting worse.
I do wish to kill myself. But I want to know other options if there are any.

Until next time, (Maybe)
~AlabasterAngel

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