I hate who I am. I have no friends. The only people that care about me is my family. The “friends” I have will say hi to me sometimes and what not, but im always by myself. Nobody wants to hang out with me. I’ll admit I am shy sometimes. I just hate who I am. I have felt this way ever since my family moved from the house I grew up in. We didn’t move far, but I just hated the fact that we moved and everything has seem to have been shit since then. Since we have moved, I have lost my grandma who used to live with us before we moved, my dog who I knew didn’t like the move either and my life. I haven’t been happy really since we moved. I moved to a different area where everyone that I knew was still living around the area of my old house. I don’t drink or smoke or do drugs, which sadly seems to be the norm of a teenager growing up now. I don’t go to parties because I just don’t know what I would do and nobody would talk to me since I don’t drink. I haven’t had a serious relationship yet either which makes me feel embarrassed. I just finished High School, but through all my life, I want to be a professional hockey player. Now knowing more then likely or a fact, that its not gonna happen, I dont know what to do. I feel like a failure, nothing else interests me to pursue it as a career. I just feel so lonely all the time, more so now since im not in school, even though after school was over i’d just go home by myself and not hang out with anyone after school. Now that im done school, my life consists of staying at home and taking care of my dog, playing video games by myself for long periods of the day, and just sitting watching TV. I don’t know what do to do anymore, I sometimes think about suicide or if I wasn’t alive anymore. Who would actually miss me? Who would come to my funeral? I just feel my family is too big to leave them. I have many aunts and uncles, tons of cousins. I wish I could meet someone to make me feel a bit happy… I honestly want to just to go back and be a kid again or just end this loneliness and go stay with my grandma so I don’t have to feel this anymore…
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Hi sh08. Im the next one over > and your story just hit me because i’ve been there too. I truly know how you feel. After i moved i lost everyone i ever cared about… in more than one way. All you can do is say “You know what… i am somebody that needs help and if no one else is willing to help me i will find a way to help myself.” It may sound corny… but honestly it helps. Surround yourself with positive stuff. If you like to read… read something that will help you. Not help books… i dont believe in them… but something that hits home for you. Because what hits one person right hits someone else wrong. Same for movies if your more of a movie person. Make a list ( no matter how childish you think it sounds.) of everything you want in life. Make a list of the type of person you want to be. And everyday make yourself stick with it. Tell yourself… i have to do this or im going to die. I know all of this sounds very stupid.. but it’s all about what you have to do to survive. I know you feel alone and like no ones listening to you. I am. Maybe even join a forum… other than this (although it is amazing) to have person on person conversations. I joined an online book club (you dont have to read to be there… there is a community and off topic section) that i honestly cant see myself without because of the people that are there. They’re truly amazing. I’ve even met my best friend there that i talk to a good amount of the day away from the forums. And the best part is that if you need to talk to them… they’re there. Dont worry about being shy because honestly what they know about you is all up to you. Be who you want to be. I’m on there (laci_baby) and if you need someone to talk to just let me know. Because you are someone that needs help. And im someone that wants to help you…. if you want it. If you do decide to join us i’ve added the address for the forum. You dont have to be alone. Please know that and good luck.
http://forums.onlinebookclub.org/
I got a solution for you, that solution saved my life once; It’s called “music”, become a composer or maybe an instrument player, as I did; and you’ll have a lot to talk with your new musicians friends, all my friends are musicians, this works really, I really know what you feel; I wanna die right now, and that’s why I’m right here; anyway, I hope music saved your life as It did with me, ah! and if you try, don’t pay attention to those bastards musicians that will say you’re bad, don’t care about them…