I’m new at this… And this is my first post, so I don’t really know if I’m doing all this right, but I’ll tell my story anyway.
I’m a middle child, with 2 siblings on either end. I don’t get that much attention, and I feel like no one understands me. No one knows this side of me, it’s a completely different side than how I act in public.
I guess that most of my suicidal thoughts and feelings came from my 3rd relationship. I was in love with him, and he raped me the second day that we were dating. I was 13 and he was 15. I continued to date him, even though he hurt me so much. I never spoke of it after that to him. I guess that I didn’t want to break up with him, or tell anyone because I just loved being with him so much. My brother’s friend found out about it, and he made me tell him the story along with his friend… They comforted me while I cried, and I made them promise not to tell my brother, but of course they did. My brother chased my boyfriend around our town, and tried to beat him up… He dumped me that day. About 5 months later, my chihuahua died… It’s sad to say that I loved her more than my ex, let alone anything else in the world. She died from an infection in her abdomen from her C-section, right after her only puppy died. I have no idea why a dog could have such a huge impact on me, a bigger impact than rape. It makes me want to kill myself whenever I think about how she’s not here with me anymore, and never will be. I think that I’ve cried about her loss, more than all the times that I’ve ever cried in my life put together, but cutting helps… I’ve thought about how I would kill myself, too many times to count. I’ve looked up suicide by pills, and I’ve found nothing useful… I just don’t feel like carrying on this pathetic life.