I tend to hold in my feelings a lot of the time, and that results in giant outbursts of emotion later on.
I thought that when Aly died things would be okay, that I would be ok, but I can see now that they’re not, I’m not.
Alyson was my whole life, the only person I really trusted everything with, and the next person besides her would’ve been Drake, my guy best friend.
Now they’re both gone.
It’s hard to forget the people who walk into your life, even if they walk out of it just as quickly as they came in, because they leave a scar. I only knew Drake for a year before he had to go away to college, and I know I shouldn’t be too upsetÂ because hes only twenty minutes away from me, but the last time I saw him, the way he looked at me….it was as if he was giving up his whole world, and I was giving up mine.
I’ve known Aly less, I met her last Febuary, but she was the most important person in my life, my very best friend, which seems weird I know, considering the fact that she was onlyÂ ten at the time. Still….she was the wisest, kindest, strongest, most trustworthy person on the planet. I’m thoroughly convinced I’ll never find another person like Alyson ever again in my lifetime, she was one in a million. When she died it’s like she took a piece of me with her and now theres just this empty space in my heart where she used to be, and it hurts. There is always a silver lining though, and although she is gone, I’m sure she is up in heaven watching over me.
I have the memories of my two best friends, butÂ it’s not the same. I feel so alone all the time without them to talk to in person. I can talk on the phone with Drake but he’s so busy all the time now wit college, it’s like he’s not the same person anymore, because he isn’t. We used to mean the world to each other and now we barely have time to talk let alone see each other. It sucks when things have to change. Friends move on, they die, they go to college, and they leave you alone to fend for yourself in a cruel world.
I know it’s not Alyson’s fault whatsoever, and it wasn’t Drake’s fault either, but it is my fault that I can’t be happy for them because I’m so upset that I’M feeling alone. Me, me, me,Â I feel so selfish. I just want my friends back, but they never stay for more then a year or less. No one ever stays, that’s why you can’t get too attacked to someone, because the moment you do they’re gone and your left alone again and again and again, but I never learn my lesson. I think, “this time they’re going to stick around, this time”. But they never do, and I should be realizing that by now. But I’m not, because I hate to be by myself.
One is the loneliest number.