RELATIONSHIPS…LONLEYNESS

everyday gets worse! im tired of ppl sayin have you taken your medicine and its gonna get better when it never does! i have thought about suicide for a long time and i have been through theoropy, support groups, and even medicine! everything that is offered but nothing helps! it all gets worse! they tell me im afraid of abandonment! maybe i am, i am a 22 yr old female, who was in a lesbian relationship! she told me she didnt want me anymore cause the controlling was too much to handle! all i asked from her was to love me and she only ignored me! now im not allowed to speak to her! im tired of my parents holding me hostage but i have no where else to go! today was the worse day…first started with me and jennifer arguin about our relationship and how she didnt want me and i tried everything in my power to get her to stay! then she just had to go to my house after i told her i didnt want to be there! my dad lit in on me and so did mom. i pushed my mom off me and then the black out started, i puched her and yelled and then dad held me down and i bit him, then he slaped me in the face! an officer came out and jennifer watched and did not help me at all! i have no where to go and home isnt home to me anymore! im not happy, i feel as if noone loves me cause i have no friends! im ugly and ppl say a lot of it, and im stupid. i cant even pass a ged test…takin it 6 times and failed every time! im tired of it! not only that but i have no job, and without that paper u cant get a job! i guess im not the only one, but going is not the way they say! sry ppl ur pretty doumb….i mean seriously carbonmonoxide??? hell no in my book! ppl are crazy but who hits themselfs in their head and bit themselfs and kick and scream all cause someone dont want to be with you!?!?! that me written all over it! i dont eat, i wake up screamin numerous times…last night i woke up and hit jennifer idk wat the dream was but it must of been something bad! who does that really ppl???? this is crazy…im 22 and i dont want to go to a phsyc hospital cause it will be on my permenant record…but do they help cause if they do i will go!!! but i dont want to be away for that long. all i have been through was abussive emotional and physical abuse from the time i started dating to now! i believe that having sex with them will make them love me, but then its like thats all they want! i think its time for it to happen! i think its time for me to go! i mean ppl say go to church and god this god that! and i used to be a christian but no more….i mean u cant see or speak to god or the devil so their not real! forget this lifes pointless…its not gonna get better just get worse! so fuck it right! hmmmmmm lets see…wont see me again after this post!