I know the other side of suicide. Three years ago my girlfriend hung herself in our garage. I can tell you that it was the most horrible, devastating experience of my life. I felt like a planet knocked out of orbit. I didn’t sleep for months….imagining what she’d experienced in the minutes before and after. It changed me.
Ironic that now I sit here debating my own life. I’ve debated killing myself since I was about 13 years old. I’m 40 now, and my life has been a series of extreme highs and lows. I always seem to end up in the low. Always.
Ill spare you the boring details of what brought me to this, other than to say I see no other way out. I’m counting the hours. I wish I could do this without hurting my family…I know the pain of surviving a suicide and believe me, it sucks beyond anything. This is hell…
1 comment
I hate that fucked up voice in your head that even when you do feel somewhat okay, it says to you “you still HAVE to die”. For whatever reason, there are people that just simply were not meant for this world…….if I knew why….then I guess that would make me god. I do know that there is no compassionate god that listens to our pleas for help. For me suicide is our ability as humans to get off the fucked up ride called life because for us, the ride (life) just flat out sucks. I am not a teen or pre teen “woe is me” person with very little to ***** about. I am 29 and like you “extreme highs and lows” were the definition of my life. Dying still scares the shit out of me, but I fear that it is due to me being a tad brighter then most around me. Being more conscious is a curse when you were not meant to exist in this life. The voice telling you that you HAVE to die is much louder when the truth is more obvious to you……Like you, I don’t want to hurt my loved ones but I would like to think that they will at least be able to see that I SUFFER NO MORE and be glad for that. It’s not like they are going to miss the constant complaining about how bad my life is. I hear you man……I really do.