This is only for people who are really seriously considering suicide. I’m serious about suicide, and I believe in it as a person’s right. If I was going to finally off myself I would make sure I had a fail-proof method (I have it). But for now, though I’m utterly alone in the world; not a success; been terribly depressed for 2 years, which keeps me unmotivated to do any but the most absolutely essential tasks; in pretty constant emotional pain; suffer from excruciating terrors that ruin my most intimate relationships; and often feel that life is beyond my endurance–I’m still not ready. But I may feel ready sometime over the next couple years, and if I ever were really going to actually do it, the 1st thing I would do is CHANGE EVERYTHING.
It is a cognitive suicide rather than a bodily one. But in most cases it is just as effective, but without the death part. I see this as simultaneously the last resort to finding life, and the first step to committing suicide, since if this doesn’t make me want to live, then probably nothing will. And at that point, I’ve got absolutely nothing left to lose.
Move to a place you’ve never been before–even if you lack funds, you can volunteer somewhere and you will get room and board AND the fulfillment of 1. being somewhere you’ve never been before (a new world, if you will, kind of like dying); 2. helping others who are less fortunate than even you; 3. learning new things and having new experiences, thus rewiring your brain and perspective; and 4. possibly regaining the will to live–not the old life and not as the old you–a new life that is beyond anything you can even imagine right now.
People get too wrapped up and bogged down in their little worlds and think THAT’S the whole world, or even the real world, that that is life. Well, it’s not. In fact, most of our socially-constructed existence is a fiction. So if you are standing at the edge of death, why not first kill what you know? Clean the slate while still conscious. Then see how you feel. I can almost guarantee that it will change your life, and who you are, forever. You will not be the person you were before who had to commit suicide. I know this is true, because I have done it before, more than once. And it works. If I come to that point again, I’ll do it again. And the day it doesn’t work, is the day I will kill myself. Meanwhile I have lived a pretty incredible life that most people wouldn’t even believe. Only recently I’ve been in a downturn, due to some seriously debilitating psychological problem that suddenly came up, thus why I am here, at this site.
So the result of the First Step is either: you commit suicide, or: live an incredible life filled with incredible experiences and discoveries (beyond even most people’s myopic conceptions and impoverished imaginations), and live to look back at it all and laugh at how imprisoned you once were within your own consciousness, and how absurd it would have been to not take the first step. If I don’t get better soon, I’m taking the first step again.
9 comments
Wondering, I would see you as my doppelgänger. I had so much trauma at 13 as that would be my point of emotional suicide. Attempted it a few times, but failing due to lack of experience and probably just wasn’t meant to be. Still have those tendancies. Have moved around my whole life when I just get complacent with my surroundings. Never really peered into it much, but your words hit home. Has kept me around for 48 years. Not as easy to do anymore with economy and all out greed taking over the human conscience these days. Take care and pleasant journeys. 🙂
This is the best advice that could have been given here.
I agree this is just plain genius, not even exaggerating.
I agree particularly with moving to a new place; people tend to get wrapped up in their own cycles, and the only logical solution to getting out of a bad cycle is to break off of that cycle completely and find a new one, which means changing everything, including geography.
Seriously way to go mist, this is really incredible work and by far the best advice I’ve seen on this site.
Consciousness is good, it is all there is. What there isn’t can’t be known until it is. I am in a spot I can’t move from, it is killing me. This is the first place I thought of killing myself, at age eleven…twelve, my mom-mom’s. I decided I was too young and the idea was so terriable I had to make a pledge to wait. I marked a decided age, twenty, which I have been for about ten months, but we all lose it sometimes. I could leave, but I have given up, and I don’t know what is going to happen. I know I won’t do it in soon enough, I feel more and more disapointed in myself as I write this, it seems like hatred is the only way out. So, fuck you, you’re an asshole. Keep on living your amazing life, butthead.
This is pretty much the same advice that I’ve just posted in my recent topic/thread, but the OP worded this in much better phrases and words. Very conclusive.
Thank you for posting & sharing this, mist.
This is really incredible – the first thing in a while that has broken through my endless thought loops. I feel right up on the edge and this might work. Where would you suggest going for volunteer work? I have nothing right now, especially the money to live somewhere. But anything would be better than where I am and I like the idea of forgetting about myself for once and doing something for somebody else. I want to lose myself in something good and not have to listen to all these negative thoughts.
brilliant.
Novel idea. I relocated almost 3 years ago as I got a new and better job, but to be honest, it didn’t help. But this was because I was still faced with the same problems that had gotten me depressed in the first place, mainly financial issues. This is why I also really get pissed off at people who say go to a fukn doctor. I dont have any mental chemistry imbalances, Im fine when my finances are in order, but they typically arent. Only recently I have gotten lots of help and now doing okay, that help plus the decision to start taking a positive attitude to life.
The message here is that strategies and methods to address depression and suicide are sometimes about as effective as changing the chairs on the deck of a sinking ship.
yes