This is only for people who are really seriously considering suicide. I’m serious about suicide, and I believe in it as a person’s right. If I was going to finally off myself I would make sure I had a fail-proof method (I have it). But for now, though I’m utterly alone in the world; not a success; been terribly depressed for 2 years, which keeps me unmotivated to do any but the most absolutely essential tasks; in pretty constant emotional pain; suffer from excruciating terrors that ruin my most intimate relationships; and often feel that life is beyond my endurance–I’m still not ready. But I may feel ready sometime over the next couple years, and if I ever were really going to actually do it, the 1st thing I would do is CHANGE EVERYTHING.
It is a cognitive suicide rather than a bodily one. But in most cases it is just as effective, but without the death part. I see this as simultaneously the last resort to finding life, and the first step to committing suicide, since if this doesn’t make me want to live, then probably nothing will. And at that point, I’ve got absolutely nothing left to lose.
Move to a place you’ve never been before–even if you lack funds, you can volunteer somewhere and you will get room and board AND the fulfillment of 1. being somewhere you’ve never been before (a new world, if you will, kind of like dying); 2. helping others who are less fortunate than even you; 3. learning new things and having new experiences, thus rewiring your brain and perspective; and 4. possibly regaining the will to live–not the old life and not as the old you–a new life that is beyond anything you can even imagine right now.
People get too wrapped up and bogged down in their little worlds and think THAT’S the whole world, or even the real world, that that is life. Well, it’s not. In fact, most of our socially-constructed existence is a fiction. So if you are standing at the edge of death, why not first kill what you know? Clean the slate while still conscious. Then see how you feel. I can almost guarantee that it will change your life, and who you are, forever. You will not be the person you were before who had to commit suicide. I know this is true, because I have done it before, more than once. And it works. ï»¿If I come to that point again, I’ll do it again. And the day it doesn’t work, is the day I will kill myself. Meanwhile I have lived a pretty incredible life that most people wouldn’t even believe. Only recently I’ve been in a downturn, due to some seriously debilitating psychological problem that suddenly came up, thus why I am here, at this site.
So the result of the First Step is either: you commit suicide, or: live an incredible life filled with incredible experiences and discoveries (beyond even most people’s myopic conceptions and impoverished imaginations), and live to look back at it all and laugh at how imprisoned you once were within your own consciousness, and how absurd it would have been to not take the first step. If I don’t get better soon, I’m taking the first step again.