Most of you who will read this post will most likely think i’m not thinking straight or advise me to look at other problems that others are suffering then look at myself but it’s not about that. I just really wonder if there is anyone that could relate to me or even slightly understand me without any judgements. I am a senior in high school this year. About my life, well i’m a good student with good grades and i have friends, a family that cares and i’m also an athlete. But my problem is something different that combines all. I am really tired of everything. I go to bed every night thinking what i want from life and wake up with the ideas that my advisor or my parents give me when i just don’t want to do anything anymore. One day i feel so ecstatic about life and everything i could accomplish and the next day i want to die because i don’t want to do or try anything and i just want to close my eyes and never wake up ever again. I feel stressed about these stupid stuff and then i realize what some other people have to worry about… Their diseases, poverty and things that are not in their control area but they just have to deal with it. I can’t stand the fact that i cry about being too stressed while some cry because they couldn’t eat anything in days. This is not fair. This world we live in is not fair and i can’t take thinking about it everyday anymore about how they can’t do anything to save themselves or how a person can’t revive their mother back to life. Why do we even ever exist if we know that there is something worst than us out there. That someone is crying when we are laughing and someone is laughing when it is us crying. All these different life stories and the misery they include more than happiness.. Why? Not some scientific bullshit but why. All these feelings we experience why? Tell me something to believe in that will make me stronger the next day and a good reason to smile when another is in great agony. I am thankful to all the oppurtunuties i had in life but why is it me that is receiving these and not another? I wasn’t born with deserving these, i was given. Why can’t they be given chances to be happy once in a while. Why do we all have to continue this fucked up meaningless story we go through everyday and call it life with ups and downs. Not knowing what is going to happen next and still making plans that are not going to happen in ways you wanted. Good saying, life is what happens when you are too busy making other plans. Well fuck this because nothing makes sense and it never will. All these feelings we have and can’t control is depressing. Me seeing my grandfather die and moving on is not what i wanted. Everything i had in life will be dissepearing someday and i don’t even know what will happen when. I can’t take hurting my parents about not knowing what to do about my future. I can’t take not knowing when will my loved ones will be gone and when the day comes just suffer in deep pain. I’m too tired and weak to continue the rest of the time i have before i pass onto nothingness. Nothingness is much better than having everything that includes negatives and positives which never tend to be equal. I’m sad everyday thinking about these fact. I cry everyday because i couldn’t help the kid on the street begging for money to get into a safe home. If i die and pass along the way of everyone in my life it will be better for all. An extra weight will be lifted off their heads and they will be better off without me, not having to worry about my god damn meaningless problems that make them sad too..