i want to die but when i do try i get really scared of the pain before the death.i know i am the cause for all the problems.
my family knows that im depressed .my mom is very kind one min and the other she is very mean.she always treats me second to my brother who is a genius she wants me to be very good at studies but i should never out do my brother and i have a perv of a father who is very violent and hurtful at the same time.i do have friends as i pretend to be a very happy kid at school but i hate them all cause i have to always keep smiling.And my so called best friend is so damn jealous of me she keeps saying hurtful comments just to make sure every one looks down on me.
i have no feelings and i feel like im in a kind of box . i keep skipping school and go only because my mom beets me up.i never study any more.i used to be at the top of my class b4 and my parents went and spoke to my school teacher and principal to make things worse and because of this i hate going to school and face my teachers and one of the teacher called me aside and said i should improve in her subject as i used to be one of her best students and also my parents want me to go to a good college(11th &12th in our country)so that i would be better than all my cousins .all this pressure is driving me nuts.i am very afraid to disappoint every body and to make it even worse my cousins keep insulting me cause i don’t have some things which they have because of my family’s financial condition.I get really frustrated being at home ,we don’t have a car our TV’s n works only occasionally and we never go out any where i mean ever.it’s been school and house for the 15 years of my life.im sick and tired of this life.my mom wnts me to be the best looking kid but i should be uglier than my brother.i hate this place there is no escape so i tried to cut my wrist i tried but that dint work i think of jumping out of the balcony but i live on the third floor and if i don’t die.the consequences would be bad and i dont have courage to deal with them. i have lost all of my confidence and have no feelings of self worth .im the wort kind of person existing.
1 comment
Sounds like your mother married a winner and is taking it out on you! Instead of you being all sad and depressed tell your parents that you are going to join the military. Go and see a Military Recruiter of some kind. Trust me it will be more fun than college anyways. You run your own life at 18 not your mother. Don’t worry about not wanting to join because to me it sounds like you really have nothing else to do except be a pile of meat on concrete. So I dont want to hear in response….”I dont want to join the military.” Because you have no idea what you want being at 15. Unless your 400 pounds or have aids or have 1 arm or some other medical condition preventing you from signing up you probably should do it.