I am 20 have been battling depression since I was 16. I am not going to go through all the details of my life because honestly most people really don’t care. I think I am mainly just frustrated at the moment and need to vent. I made a conscious decision when I came to college to not be who I was in high school. I would fake it till I made it if I had to, but I was going to be happy and fun to be around. I am now a transfer at a new college and was determined to follow this through. I have become really involved on campus and in the community and even joined a sorority (something the high school me would never have done) But now it just seems like I am spiraling downwards. My depression and anxiety are coming back. With my anxiety comes acid reflux so I am vomiting and can’t eat. I am not someone who can easily say “I’m sad please comfort me.” I’m more of a “Well, I’ve been down lately. Acid reflux is back.” and “I feel overwhelmed.” What do I have to do to get someone to pay attention to me and take me seriously. I mean, if they knew half the thoughts that are constantly running through my head they would. I think about death non-stop. I constantly feel like the outsider looking in or worst not even wanted. This is my daily reality even on medication. Is it really so much for me to ask for someone to get how serious this is and how I just want someone to realize how hard it is for me to even mention it? I need someone to get it. I feel I am at a breaking point and that if I break it will be a long and hard break not my normal breaks. I am not planning on committing suicide, only because my Great Uncle did before I was born and I have seen the effects it has years after on a family. I’ve also seen the effects my Great Aunt’s attempts have had on everyone. I can’t do that to them, and I won’t. But damn it I am sick of feeling this way. I want someone to take the happy-perky girl seriously when she says she is depressed.
3 comments
i am the same way as you… happy, easy going, care free, fun, girl with the friends, well i used to be.. until i became depressed and now its all gone.. but i am getting help. i used to be just as stubborn as you are with not wantint to talk to people, but people cant help you unless you ask! they are not mind readers and sometimes you want people to just know how you feel but you have to open up, even just a little, before that can happen… so open up, to anyone.. even me if you want to.. but get it out, and i promise you will begin to feel atleast slightly better, but hey its a start in the right direction.. goodluck 🙂
I suggest telling them they take you serious or you walk away from them for good. Friends should be there and at least try to understand.
Depression is, indeed, difficult to deal with.
You want someone to take you serious? Here I am. Here we are.
Feel free to vent to me, anytime. I’ll do my best to understand.
E-mail: albert.j.robinson@live.com
Like Albert, I am here to listen and take you seriously.
By the way, I may be weird but I actually do care about the details of your life, if ever you feel like telling them. mrslindseylambert@gmail.com