fractal memories

i’m a 28 year old female with ptsd who has come to the conclusion that i have no future. After looking for work for almost 3 years its safe to say there is no way in hell i will find a place that will hire me even at below min wage to pay off my massive student loans for a thin fancy piece of paper worth nothing. my daily routine consists of sleeping though violent bloody nightmares and eating enough sugar to get me out of bed for an hour to clean the house. i cant go back to school until i pay off all my loans, my only income is 150 from the government so i wont starve to death, and the only living thing that wants anything to do with me is my dog. I’m with a boyfriend who doesn’t love me, the people who contact me only want a booty call, and i can’t keep friends for long. I’m constantly being pressured to get married and i believe my only choices are get pregnant and go on welfare or just throw myself onto a freeway during rush hour. the subway is also another good choice.