Hi all. My story is the same as a lot of yours I think.  I’m in my early 30s and I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety problems for as long as I can remember. I’ve seen many different therapists and tried different meds and therapies but nothing ever seems to work. My depression goes up and down and my anxiety and panic does too. Lately I’ve been having a really hard time and am becoming housebound almost from having such severe panic attacks. I just feel sick and tired almost every day, all day. My boyfriend and parents are getting really fed up with me and don’t know why I can’t just “get over it” but I don’t know how to just act normal. I feel like an alien or like I’m 8 feet tall and just can’t seem to feel like I fit into society. I haven’t had a job in years, I can’t relate to people, all my girl friends have gotten tired of trying to help me and I haven’t spoken to them in quite a few years. I just feel really alone, really weird, really scared and really sad all of the time.  I am ready to give up. I tried, it didn’t work and I don’t want to do this anymore. I  just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I have been stock piling my xanax, and I know pills don’t usually work but have heard if you mix xanax with alcohol it can be fatal. Is this true? And if so, how much alcohol would I need to drink?
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well i wouldnt tell u to kill your self i also dont know if you are a christan and if your not i still will say try all your options dont just go to your last and think it will help but if you just want to talk to someone who knows what you are feeling i will give u my email and we can talk
You are not alone
Trust me on this..
‘cuz I’m just like you (I’m 29 btw)
Marymary, I think a lot of people share your pain. I have anxiety and depression myself and while I am younger, just turned 24 today, ive been through a lot of treatment. Ive been petitioned to the psych ward, tried a number of meds, tried ‘holistic’ approches, seen psychologists, and for a while I self medicated with various drugs and lots of drinking. I recently have found some inspiration that aided getting me into a gym. While I cant really focus for a long time in the gym just going there and breaking a sweat realy helps me. At least it allows me to be somewhat functional for a short while after. You may have tried this already and you should if you havent.
The point im trying to make is that I really think there is something out there, probably different for all of us, that will make life livable again. It might not work forever but it will work long enough to show us that there is hope. Im sorry you are having such a turbulent life but please dont give up. There are people out there that share your pain, understand your plight, that can help. I feel like I sound like one of those suicide help hotlines. This might be because ive used them often but anyway, dont give up. I hope something I said helped, let me know if you would like to talk further.
I’m totally with you on not being able to deal with other people. I’m required to be cheerful at work, but once I’m off, the last thing I want is conversation with somebody on the “normal” plane. Yes, Xanax and alcohol can be fatal when mixed, exactly how much of either will probably depend on your tolerance and body weight. I’m personally planning the pills route too – oxycontin and fine scotch in January (don’t want to ruin this holiday for my family, this way they’ll have 11 months before the next major one rolls around).
While it would obviously be retarded and hypocritical for me to tell you not to do anything, I do wish that I had the answer to make both of us feel permanently better in this life.
Best of luck, and my sincerest regards.
DiminishingReturns this is my first thanksgiving and christmas with out my mother because she slowly killed her self by drinking if u kill yourself in january or when ever it doest matter when its still hard on the family. i dont want these holidays to come just because my mother will not be hear so plz dont kill your self its not worth it not for you or your family
I wish I had some great advice to help you. I’ve been there…as cliche as that sounds, I’ve been there. I can honestly say though, after being on both sides of suicide, it’s not the answer. For the people you leave behind, they never get over it…even the ones who understand. My cousin just killed himself, 2 months ago. No matter how much I could relate, how much I could understand his pain, it still hurt like hell. Now I wish I could have done more…I wish I would have seen what he was really going through. I’ll never be able to let that go…but for that reason, I’ll do whatever I need to do to keep myself from ever falling down that hole again.
I’ve battled suicidal thoughts, off and on, for over 15 years (I’m 29 now). I know what it feels like to just want to give up…but I also know it gets better. I know there’s people who are glad your here today. Someone’s going to read your note and know they aren’t alone…it’ll help save their life.
I’m glad you’re here.