I’m writing on my phone curled up in a rocking chair and smoking. I don’t know why that matters but it does. My depression and anxiety comes in waves and currently the tide has gone out though not an hour ago I was standing in the kitchen staring at the knives and trying to remind myself why I don’t cut anymore. This is confused sounding but I’m confused so fair enough. I can tell my sad stories I suppose. Bad relationship full of abuse messed me up. I’m now dating an alcoholic who ignores me and I’m afraid to leave him because I can’t stomach being alone. I’ve gained a bunch of weight from my medication and I’m so broke. I wish I could dissapear. If I could will myself into nonexistence I would have died a long time ago. So I know I’m smart and I have sweet family and I’ve got some talent but my life is so full of regret and I feel like I make more everyday. I want a wipe or a rewind or a do over but no such luck. Sometimes dying seems the most viable option. I can’t regret when I don’t exist.
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if you wanna talk my email is twwarrior@gmail.com
you might feel lost but please don’t kill yourself,i’m being depressive everyday since long time ago,just mail me please
I feel like that all the time. There are many things in my life that I regret and wish I could turn back time and start over. However, I feel that over time, you try your best to deal with it. It’s by no means easy, and in many cases, life can get much worse as you continue living. What I try to do is keep myself occupied as much as possible. It doesn’t have to be something that I enjoy, it could be just random busy work. However, I feel that when you try to get rid of those thoughts by distracting yourself with other things, it tends to over time become a bit more controllable. I hope things get better for you.
Too bad life is not a video game. It’d make things a lot easier, and a lot more bearable. I say move home. No place like it. Gather your thoughts there. Find your place. Find your goal. Go for it. Complete it. Be happy.