Please read, I know its long but I could use any help I can get… Two years ago I was in a relationship that ended with physical abuse. I tried to kill myself then and went into therapy.. It help and I stopped going.. but always felt that depression try and come back but I always just fought it off. I have been in an on again off again fling for a year and we just started dating a few months ago. I did the worst thing I could possibly do to him and I regret it fully. I took the violence that I have had done to me and did it to him.. I am a very small girl and he is a huge guy so he is not injured, just has bite marks on him.. I was intoxicated at the time and so was he. ( I have decided never to drink again, I am too weak of a person and can not handle alcohol to not destroy me and how I act) I hardly remember doing it because I feel like I was taken over by something else. It is the scariest out of body feeling in the entire world. Doing something and knowing you can’t control yourself. I ended up getting arrested, not because he wanted me to but because the police had to. He didnt press charges or anything. He even told me that he will go with me for the court date and help me get all of the help I need, and stay by me through the whole thing. I am so thankful for this. The worst part is that I know he is trying to help me and be there for me but I do not deserve it. I am a horrible horrible person, and am completely disgusted with what I have done to the only man I love or will ever love. I dont want anyone I know to help me because I dont want anyone to see how completely screwed up I am, I am very ashamed of myself as a person. I dont even want to be myself right now, I cant stand who I am and never ever thought I would act like this. Iknow it isnt me, I know I used to be the funny, smart, pretty, popular athlete and my life has been completely flipped and I feel like I am worthless. I do not know if these feelings will ever go away and my self worth will ever be fixed. I want to try so hard to get better but there is a part of me saying thats not possible and that I am a lost cause and its stupid to try because you are just going to fail again. I do not know what to do, I need something from someone.. an opinion, a thought, encouraging words, anything please…and please do not judge me, I am not a bad person I never meant to hurt anybody..
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extacy works wonders…
hey its me im 13 you said that i can talk to you and i am ready to talk to someone who will listen just let me know when you are ready you can email me at misnesha97@comcast.net i have no parents they abandoned me im getting sadder by the minute please be willing to talk I feel like commiting suicide tonight
hey its me im 13 u said i could talk to you can we please talk? i feel like commiting suicide you can email me at misnesha97@comcast.net so we can talk please help i need someone to talk to
not a bad idea The.Average.Guy thanks and SuicideIsTheOnlyWay97, I just emailed you.. so check your email and get back to me when you get the chance.
Honey give yourself a break we all do things we regret in our lives . The fact this guy wants to stand by and support u is wonderful and u do deserve it! Its very hard to come from an abusive realationship unscathed , and its usually the ones that don’t deserve it that cop the brunt of the scars u carry from the previous relationship. The best thing u can do for yourself and this new guy…is let him stand by u while u get the help u need, go back to your councillor so that he/she can help u recover from the past. You have your whole life ahead of u …just take the time u need to heal. I wish u all the happiness u deserve and I’m sure it will come to u XXX
Thank you so much ‘LMA’. You truly have no idea how helpful and meaningful those words were to me. It was exactly what I needed to hear and even though this shit sucks right now, you gave me the hope I needed to take this one day at a time. Thank you again, you are a great person.
You have done nothing unforgivable. All you did was allow a little of the anger you feel come out. The ANGER IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Your boyfriend obviously understands and loves you regardless. God put that person in your life because He knew that the this guy could handle what you are going through. He will be the one that helps heal you. I hope that in the long run you are grateful for this experience because i have a feelings it’s the first step in your healing process..
thank you.. thank you thank you thank you.. i can not say it enough, you are truly an amazing person for helping a stranger, and you have helped me more than you could imagine. your words are very inspiring to me and give me the hope that there will be a better tomorrow, even if it isnt quite tomorrow.. it will come one day.
It will come sweetheart and u so deserve all the happiness in the world…good luck sweetie XXXXX
you know.. it’s not much whether you deserve it or not, it just that.. y’know.. the things you’d get from this seemingly small existence of our lives. you’ll get them, either way.
and it’s okay to lash out at times. vent out and whatever. especially when we’re fucked. we’re still just humans. we’re allowed to break down at times. i broke down at times. i still do. in about the same manner you do.
i’m not that smooth in telling soothing words. the only thing that i can actually do, is understand. i do. and how i wish i could be more present than i am now to you. i’m not good at judging people too so you wont have to worry about that.
*hugs*
take care. and don’t you worry. know why ? cuz i’m one sad fucked up guy somewhere across the globe with no real hope in being alive but i’m somehow able to smile because of you. so yeah, your existence does matter and basing that alone, you deserve to live and all the smiles you’ve given to others. thank you
Indeed, you did not mean to hurt anybody. Things happen. We regret the shit we do. We sometimes question our worth. I sure as hell question my own worth. I don’t know how to increase my value. I do not like how I am. I do not like it, Sam I am.
My best opinion would have to be to accept yourself. Accept who you are, and then you will make progress in getting better.
Mistakes are easy to make. We all make them. No one is perfect. He forgives you. But what you need to do is forgive yourself for what you’ve done and make progress. He’s there to help you. Let him help you. You will get better and he’ll try as much you will.
Obviously he cares for you, so let him care for you. He’s there for a reason. That one and only reason, is YOU.
I hope you feel better, soon.
You guys make me cry histerically by the great words you say but they are very helpful.. im not alone in this fucked up world and its somewhat comforting knowing that there are other people out there with the same concerns for life as me…i guess misery does love company. but thanks a lot, this shit they call life sucks sometimes but i guess its all im going to get. thank you everyone, it means a lot more than you know.. who would have thought id be on a suicide blog getting advice from strangers, and actually feeling a hell of a lot better because of it 🙂
What do you expect? We are the wonders of the world. Embrace us. Value us. And in turn, we will embrace you. We will value you. You’re one of us.
One of us..One of us..
Kidding! Rofl. I just had to. 😛
hahaha… you make me cry and make me laugh. its comforting either way though. a sense of humor is good in any situation, i just have to find mine again. seems as though you never lost yours!