Please read, I know its long but I could use any help I can get… Two years ago I was in a relationship that ended with physical abuse.Â I tried to kill myself then and went into therapy.. It help and I stopped going.. but always felt that depression try and come back but I always just fought it off. I have been in an on again off again fling for a year and we just started dating a few months ago.Â I did the worst thing I could possibly do to him and I regret it fully. I took the violence that I have had done to me and did it to him.. I am a very small girl and he is a huge guy so he is not injured, just has bite marks on him.. I was intoxicated at the time and so was he.Â ( I have decided never to drink again,Â I am too weak of a person and can not handle alcohol to not destroy me and howÂ I act)Â I hardly remember doing it because I feel like I was taken over by something else.Â It is the scariest out of body feeling in the entire world. Doing something and knowing you can’t control yourself.Â I ended up getting arrested, not because he wanted me to but because the police had to.Â He didnt press charges or anything.Â He even told me that he will go with me for the court date and help me get all of the help I need, and stay by me through the whole thing.Â I am so thankful for this.Â The worst part is that I know he is trying to help me and be there for me but I do not deserve it.Â I am a horrible horrible person, and am completely disgusted with what I have done to the only man I love or will ever love.Â I dont want anyone I know to help me because I dont want anyone to see how completely screwed up I am, I am very ashamed of myself as a person.Â I dont even want to be myself right now, I cant stand who I am and never ever thought I would act like this.Â Iknow it isnt me, I know I used to be the funny, smart, pretty, popular athlete and my life has been completely flipped and I feel like I am worthless.Â I do not know if these feelings will ever go away and my self worth will ever be fixed.Â I want to try so hard to get better but there is a part of me saying thats not possible and that I am a lost cause and its stupid to try because you are just going to fail again.Â I do not know what to do, I need something from someone.. an opinion, a thought, encouraging words, anything please…and please do not judge me, I am not a bad person I never meant to hurt anybody..