I hate myself. I try so hard not to but I do.
I really really really do. I hate my hair, skin, eyes, mouth, teeth, lips, nose, breast,body, everything.
It’s all just disgustingly hideous.
And, on top of that I’m a pathetic loser.
I have no friends and no life. My family feels the need to point this out to me daily.
My sisters constantly tell me how I’m a weirdo, a creep, and an ugly loser.
I tried to talk to my mom to feel better, but she got pissed off at me and told me to stop bothering her. She told me that the only reason why I bother her all the time is because I have no life and to get a life and leave her alone.
I have no one to talk to…no one to confide in…no one that has the slightest clue how I’m feeling. I have to keep everything inside and it really hurts. I think I have OCD or something because I’m constantly tortured by bad memories of stuff that’s happened to me in the past. I have to relive rejection and humiliation over and over and over again in my head hundreds of times a day.
I have SA/Avpd and no one understands just how hard it is to live with. There’s nothing good in my life. Bad things happen to me left and right. I’m sick of it and I give up. I just wanna get it over with already. 18 years is long enough.
6 comments
do you wanna talk about things?
I want you to know that you’re not alone in feeling the way you do.
I have OCD myself, and I know how hard it is to live with sometimes. I’m hearing from you that you don’t really have many social supports in your life. Is there a community health center around you? or psychologists etc etc that can help you? do you WANT the help?
The environment that you say you’re living in seems toxic. I don’t believe for a SECOND that your a pathetic loser, or a creep etc etc or whatever your family calls you. Correct me if I’m wrong, but are these not the things that they are saying to you? It seems like you’re internalizing all of these words and are perceiving them to be true. I know how it is though, it’s hard when you’re around that all the time hey?
Have you tried to talk to your parents/siblings about how it makes you feel? Being Assertive?
What do you think that you need at this point other than suicide?
We can get through this together. I promise.
hey thats shit dude like a floopy shit sandwhich. ii too hate myself sometimes i like alittle but it came after years of feeling like shit finaly accepted my flaws and fuckups as who i am no better ever and must at least laugh and acept it or else the harshness wins. i dont know you never will but i know you can maybe try and possibly get somewhere better then fucked hateiing yourself maybe a good weekend in the mental ward calm alone place to vent and maybe think if its not a big shock being locked in.
Hey Brittany. Look, I know you are only 18 and Im a bit older. Maybe we can hook up and do the nasty before you check out. Im sure you look just fine. Usually, those who out us down do so out of envy for some reason or another. The human body doesnt always look like they do in the mags. But there is always someone there to love you just the way you are. Let me know. I wont be here long. A mo nth is my scheduled timeout.
Have you tried to talk to your parents/siblings about how it makes you feel? Being Assertive?
No. And I really don’t think I could either…I’d be too embarrassed.
What do you think that you need at this point other than suicide?
Anything or anyone that can help me stop feeling like crap all the time…
@blood doll suicide hand: Yea. Maybe being by myself is exactly what I need. I always feel 10 times better when I’m alone.