i hate me…

I know I’m lazy but its no excuse for what you do to me. You taunt me and threaten me with something that might actually help me. I’ll ask you this: why do you think I want to die? Of course you don’t know that I want to. You never bothered to ask if I’ve done anything besides cut myself for the past three years. The truth is, I’ve been trying to kill myself for a while now. Most of them were overdoses and letting my blood run free of its lines. But nothing ever happened. Which makes me think that I’m even more of a failure than you thought me to be. I failed more than you, I failed at everything else especially life. But in my 16 years of isolation in the hell I’ve learned that life is nothing more than one thought it to be. I mean all everyone really does is being born and dying. What am I to keep living if I am of no significance to anything that’s happening around me. why does only part of me want to keep living when the rest has given up for good? Why do I feel empty and unhappy with everything? And why do I feel like I fucked up?