I wish someone would kill me. I wish I could turn back time and do things over again. Because of me, someone I loved is dead. Because of me, someone I love is hurting like he’s never hurt before. He’s ripping out his hair, his skin, he’s throwing up because of the pain he feels, the pain I caused. The person who never cries wants to cry now. Because of me. The only person I had left in the world, the only man I ever loved, the one person who means the most to me. I’m making him try to kill himself. I can’t undo what I did. I did this to him. I hurt him. I did this. I did it. Please hurt me. Please kill me. Please.
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4 comments
You can regret it all you want, ishouldntbealive. BUT, you need to realize that you aren’t able to take back what’s already done. You can try to make it better? Being the cause of someone’s death is heavy. Causing others to hurt because of what you did is worse.
I cannot relate to how you feel, nor am I trying to relate. I’m just stating that things cannot be undone. You can be forgiven. But before you can be forgiven, you have to forgive yourself first.
I’m sorry to hear the only person you loved is attempting suicide. Maybe the pain’s just that unbearable? I guess most of us here can relate to pain; depression; anger or other things.
This advice may not be the greatest but it’s something I hope you may one day try to understand. That’s why we have hearts and emotions. We are given a double edged sword and we aren’t exactly sure how to use it. I’m pretty sure there are numerous ways a sword can be used for one-self. Maybe for protection? To hurt? Sorry, I’m caught up in rambling now.
Uhm..I hope you and your love make it out of this hurt in one full piece.
Talking about it with someone (in person) helps. Someone you trust, you know. Can you apologize somehow? It seems your hurting more that he.
it seems to me like your blaming yourself for everything that is going on when the fact is is that it’s probably not your fault. For the person that you love just be there for him try and comfort him, do something nice with him so his happier. Please don’t blame yourself for this as sometimes things are out of our control.
I was driving a car 2 years ago that killed my 5 year old daughter. She was my world. Her identical twin sister survived, and still cries for her. This is MY FAULT.
That being said, I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I would take it back if I could. You may have caused someone’s death, but you are NOT responsible for the actions someone else takes because of it. You can try to help, you can say you are sorry. This gets better. This gets easier. You will forgive yourself a little bit each day after more time has passed. I forgive myself a little each day. I know my baby forgives me. I know those you love forgive you. EVERYONE makes mistakes. Not everyone has the unfortunately consequences you have. Talk to me. or let me talk to you if you don’t feel like talking. Let me keep you company. I love you.
mrslindseylambert@gmail.com