I sincerely apologize if all that i sound like is im complainin but life keeps on comlicatin , and im debating on leaving this world this evening(8)

so; i’m about to tell my whole life story to a bunch of people i dont know. thats a good start. shows i have no one else to talk to. no family no friends. no. no one. well i do have friends and family. but they wouldnt understand.
so im 14. yes you will probarbly critisize me, maybe call me a drama queen for wanting to end my life, but i’m not just your average teenage girl. im different. i’m suffering.
when i was 4 my dad left me, my younger brother and my mum and i didnt see him for 7 years, then he comes back and expects us to just let him back into out lives and because im a shy quiet girl thats exactly what i did, i have so much anger towards him but i keep it all bottled in because i dont like telling people how i really feel. in the 7 years my dad wasnt with us, my mum got depression and had 3 strokes, and i am now a young carer, which i hate i love my mum but its so hard looking after her, my brother and myself & unfortunately i come last in the equation.
i thought all my troubles had gone away when i met a boy called chris we spent 6 months meeting up and talking and gettin to know each other and it was lovely then he kissed me and we got together it was amazing, i thought i loved him at the time, i was wrong, i dont even know what love is. i really wish i could feel loved tho 🙁 anyway because i ‘loved him’ so much i stayed at his house and the secon night i was there, ‘things happened’ that night i lost my dignity, and at such a young age. i was 13 🙁 . i had been with him 9 months and he had been cheating on me the whole time and had kids with 2 other girls. he was only 17 🙁
i felt so unloved when i found out and he asked me to take him back and i said yes, ( iknow it was stupid)
the whole time this was happening i had a friend called craig who i could tell anything too. he had attempted suicide 6 times before so he understood the pain i was going through when i started getting suicidal thought because of everythin i was going through. i was there for him when he felt down and he was there for me but sadly he overdosed and was in a coma for almost 3 weeks and sadly passed away 🙁 i miss him so much. i am so angry at him. but i also miss him everyday. i cry myself to sleep almost everynight thinking about it. 🙁
and now i have something else to cry about. after craig died there was one person who cared for me. my ex boyfriend :/ and the same thing happened to me again. this time im pregnant. :/ i know its my fault and i dont expect sympathy, i would just really like someone to talk to who feels the same way as me :/ please? someone?