I hate my life so much. I hate my mother, her boyfriend and my sisters. I’m constantly battling depression and they my family tell me its not a real illness and I just want attention. My mother is constantly throwing me out of the house for being there, putting my life in black bags and putting them outside in the cold while her and her new boyfriend play happy families inside. She constantly calls me fat, ugly, and any other word nasty enough she can think of at the time. I’ve been in and out of hospital suffering from bulimia and anorexia. My friends are my enemies and I’m in a dead end job. I’m constantly facing rejection and I have no one to blame but myself. I really hate myself, and I really want to go to sleep forever where I wont disapoint anyone anymore.I dont want to overdose on tablets and i dont want to leave my body a mess, is there any quick and easy ways to die?I know carbon monoxide poisioning is easy, how do I do that?
3 comments
Hey i sorta kinda can relate to your problem with your mom just calling you names although mine is not as worse but I wanna let you know that ……Killing yourself is really not the way to go. I don’t know if you heard of this before but THE STRUGGLE MAKES YOU A BETTER PERSON..just hold tight. It’s okay to cry and sometimes feel sorrow, despair or even hatred for your mom or your family because we are human. Hell you are allowed to wanna just rip all the hair off her head…but don’t let that anger lead you to doing anything crazy or stupid thing like killing yourself………….idk what else to say I just hope you don’t take your life, and GO TO JESUS. 🙂
if going to jesus doesn’t sound appealing, then just look into the mirror. say to yourself, “i hate myself. and that’s okay.”
i’ve tried telling myself i love myself (a lie) to comfort myself, but it doesn’t quite work. but being honest with myself works. sometimes acceptance is all i can do. i say, “i hate my life, but it’s ok.”
sometimes this brings on bouts of tears, but tears feel good when they are tears of acknowledgement that my life is unmanageable.
then drink a nice cup of tea and tell your self-hating mind to shut up for a while, and focus on the taste of the tea.
Its funny cuz im a jesus lover too but ima gonna agree with hazyrave on this one. once i finally just admitted to myself that i really just hate myself everything got so much easier. i stopped having to wonder why i was unhappy with my life. im fucked up. i know that. im wierd. i know that too. what keeps me awake at night is the hatred i have for myself. its to the point where i dont even listen to people when they hate on me. cuz i know that no matter how much they dont like me i hate myself a lot more! i dont understand when people say they like me. im not a happy person. there are also a lot of people who are scared of me. now that i understand.
i totally get it with your mom. i dont know why but most of the time what parents and family say just hurts so much more than what other people say. dont even listen to it! its total bull shit! eating disorders are something else to deal with where you really dont need people saying negative stuff about you.
when i was young and ignorant i used to say “if i could i would totaly be anorexic so i could lose weight”. yeah i was stupid you have permission to hate me for saying that! (i cant believe i ever even thought that! )
last month i reached this point where i was so depressed it wasn’t even a conscious decision. i just gave up eating for like two weeks straight. i ate like six parental inflicted meals. it scared a lot of people. everything just got so fucked up!
but it will get better just hold on! life comes in cycles… sometimes its just complete shit! but sometimes it can be moderately okay. you
just need to find something to be happy about. dont focus on your appearance if you dont like it. it doesnt matter what other people say about it if you dont care about it anyways! get out of your house every once in a while. and if you hate your job, move on! find something that makes you happy and do it! you can change your life. you dont have to like it, just live with it.