my sister was raped. she lives out of town and i feel like ever since i am the one who is dealing with it. i still live at home and my parents ask me everything, put me in the middle and she keeps telling me she needs help but wont listen to me about getting it and i cant tell my parents because she wants them to think she’s happy.. . i cant fix her and she calls me constantly expecting me to take care of everything for her. i know it was a tragic experience but she doesnt know my life no one does because they only care about her, she’s not the only one who needs help who wants someone to fix them but im not allowed to be sad because i wasnt raped and that makes me want to scream. she yells at me when i break down saying i dont know what true pain is, but the thing is i do. the pain of being invisible to your entire family hurts, the pain of feeling like your feelings are insignifigant hurt. i love her and i know she’s having a rough time and she needs me but i need her and she wont let me talk. i feel like if she wants help she should get it and not from her little sister, im fragile just like her. she puts the weight of her world on my shoulders and expect me to be perfectly okay. well you know what big sis im NOT OKAY I NEVER HAVE BEEN!
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Hey I read your story and believe me, I understand perfectly and I sympathize with you.
Rape is a very tragic thing to undertake. Some take it better than others, but nonetheless, very tragic and understandably can be so sever that it leads one to think of suicide. I don’t aim to diminish the severity of rape.
You explained that because YOU weren’t raped also, others (particularily your sister and your family) would not take you seriously or as seriously when you talked of your problems. They gave you less respect and credibility because they compared you to your sister, who was raped. Unfortunately, people aren’t usually able to fathom the relativity of pain, except by judging it circumstancially.
Circumstancially, your sister was raped. Nothing physical or traumatic had happened to you (I’m assuming.) If something did happen, it wasn’t as serious as your sister’s rape, as far as your family is concerned, at least. So because you hadn’t gone through a rape or something similar, you are believed to be going through less pain than your sister or anyone like her. Again, I don’t aim to diminish the severity of rape, but it’s quite possible that you actually may be going through more psychological torment or pain than she is. It’s the way in which you perceive your problems that makes them more or less intense. Your problems, (and I read what they are and I completely understand) may be looked at as less-serious than rape. However, even if that’s true, because it depends on who is involved (in this case, you), that doesn’t mean that they are affecting you to a lesser degree than your sister’s rape afffects her. Believe me, I understand that. I can also understand how frustrating it can be to try and convey your pain to family and others when you know that you don’t really have much to say except a few circumstances and how they make you feel. Your sister can say rape.
Well, it sounds to me like your sister has made the mistake of thinking that she has necessarily gone through more pain than you. Maybe she has. It’s not a competition. But because she doesn’t understand, she expects that you should be someone strong and someone to lean on because you have no troubles of your own. And how dare you talk of any troubles when your own sister was raped. Right?
Let me know what’s up.
YOu are the girl who stopped the world. that weight that people try to slam on your shoulders… I wish you wouldnt hurt anymore… well, you’re welcome to talk to us here about it. I know what I would do if I were suddenly in your situation, but I’m not gonna tell you what to do, girl. I’m on yahoo if you wanna get more off your shoulders, and there’s many more people here that understand what crap you’re going through. Honestly, I think you’ll eventually be okay. Eventually. I just want you to know that your stuff has distracted me from doing something stupid. So thanks in advance, world stopper. I hope things go in your favor.
You know honey…I think its time that u let everyone know that you’re not invisible that you won’t and can’t be expected to carry the load all by yourself.
Sometimes you just have to tell your parents even when your sister doesn’t want u too. After all I’m a parent and I certainly wouldn’t want one of my kids trying to handle all of the weight on their shoulders. You have to think of number one….as u have needs that need to be met. And your sister obviously needs help and maybe your parents will beable to persuade her.
Good luck luv X