I’ve been thinking of committing suicide for almost 2 years now. and the thing that’s preventing me from doing is the thought of causing unbearable pain to my parents.They love me so much. I swear, their children mean the world to them. But as what other suicidals would say, I, too, am sick and tired of life. It’s pointless.
I don’t like who I am. I don’t like myself. I pity myself because I don’t like myself and no one else loves her but her parents. I feel bad for myself because I’m not strong enough to stand for myself, to fight for her life. But still, I don’t like myself. One lifetime and you don’t like yourself. Great.
I just had enough.
I’m 19 and I don’t want to continue this life anymore.
I know I can still live. I can still do things my family expect from me. But I swear, if I’d continue life with this weariness and SOULACHE, I’d have serious psychological problems. My mind couldn’t contain my emotions. I just want this to end. I want this to end.
4 comments
hey love, i’m sure that you’re a beautiful soul. and i do understand your pain. i too am incapable of loving myself. i just can’t. there’s nothing about me to love. but regardless that, i love you and i’m not just saying that. i meant it. i feel like its a curse. having able to love everything else in this world, except myself.
i don’t want you to leave, to end. not after having read what you wrote. i know. i feel it too. but your existence matters to me and i’d like for you to stay on. people like you make me feel that at least, at least, i’m not alone. that what i’m feeling isn’t too alien.
thank you.
Hi to both of you…. Where can I start? Let me start by saying that I understand your pain… I’ve been there… I’ve thought of ending it all as well… I’ve gone through years of not loving myself.. of feeling unloved and undeserving of love. I still go through phases like that… but not always. what changed is my perception and the realization that I need to depend on God. Since then, He has not abandoned me or forsaken me. I have been betrayed and disappointed by people. But I have never been betrayed or forsaken by God.
Don’t let go… don’t give up.. please… Although life can be full of pain and misery.. it is also full of hope and love. The ache in your soul will be mended with time and once you start noticing the beauty and the little miracles surrounding you. Life is a balance.. good and bad.. relief and pain… happiness and unhappiness… success and struggle… love and indifference… It’s a balance.. You cannot have happiness and recognize happiness unless you have experienced misery. How can you feel relief if you had not gone through pain? It’s a balance. And remember, EVERYTHING ends. Including the pain and the misery.
So.. please hold on… be strong…. for you. You may not know it now, but you have a full life ahead of you. So much love and happiness is awaiting. Go towards it. You will be ok. Just trust in God and he will show you the way.
Love you
Stand strong. Continue to stand strong. Try and fail. Try and fail. Try and success. See the pattern here?
Lemoncry I am sorry for your pain and you have every right to worry about how your parents would be affected if u were to choose suicide and if u go to the “suvivours of Suicide” website u can get a front row seat of just what u would do to your family and its sure not pretty!
I hope u reach out to someone so they can help u or point u in the right direction to get the help u need. God bless u love