Thats All I Wanted

Its been about four days since she told me, and its been hell for me. I haven’t eaten anything, and all ive done was just sit around and waste away. Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw nothing. Every time I looked into my own eyes, I saw nothing. I felt nothing, so basically was just a walking zombie and that feeling is too familiar to me. All I ever wanted out of this life is love because I haven’t felt that from anyone since i was a kid. It’s sad how I’ve perfected the art of shutting myself down and blocking out all emotions as a defense mechanism because the only way I would find comfort in life is if I did and that is sad. I talked to her in person the other night and showed her what she did made me do to myself, and she was hysterical. She said that she had never seen anything like that before in her entire life and that it broke her heart to know that something she did mad me feel bad enough to the point where I sat somewhere where no one would find me for days and nearly killed her myself. That gives me some kind of hope because now I know that she regrets doing it and that she cares, but it’s sad how the only way I could get her to change her ways is by doing that. It shouldn’t have come to this. So now battling myself and trying not to close up again even though I can slowly feeling it happen (even as I’m typing this). I’m also going against everyone who knows about this because they’ve all told me that I have no reason for being with her and she’s no good for me, but I love her so much that I’m willing to fight and give her another chance. I’m just worried that I’d be making the same mistake again.