Dunno if I will fit in here: Serious feeling of a terrible tiredness of living…And pursued for so long by terrifying phobias and dark, dark thoughts.
I have been living in this purgatory since my first panic attack when I turned 18….31 years ago! 10 years of “lounging” in any and every emergency rooms in my country of birth ( France), and in different countries. A life of worries, fears, lightened-up with only some rare flashes of happiness.
I am at a loss to comprehend why I should keep on dealing with this anymore, and yet, ironically, I fear death as terribly as I do with my phobias and panic attacks.
But tonight is so void of anything worth keeping up with this life. Fortunately (?) thanks to my two cats, I survive bleakly, but knowing that I have to make sure they’re well taking care of.
Meds suck and do not heal you; it will only cover up the cause of this mental (disease), I have to deal with on 24hrs basis, temporally.