Why not do it?
Not for the first time, I wish. Maybe that way it would be easier. Not knowing what to expect. For the fourth time. How should I try it now?
After being molested. Not once, but twice by your cousin. Someone who is supposed to love you so much.
And before that, by your step-fathers niece.
After telling your mother in tears, and her not believing you.
Give me a reason.
After spending ten years seeing that same mother be beaten by your step father.
After being verbally abused by a bipolar pair of idiots. You’re so ugly. You’re an idiot. You ruined my life.
Just one. Please.
All I have is a stifling, choking life. Full of anxiety and stress. I’m failing school, I have no future.
I turn to people for help, where does that take me?
Back to that mental institution, there must be something terribly wrong with me.
Lack of love.
I don’t care what your explanation for it is, FIX ME.
I want to be happy for more than five God damn minutes.
I want to be able to see my boyfriend and retain the feeling I get when I see his face.
I want to keep the laughs with my best friend and Â her mom.
I want a different family.
A different body.
A different soul.
I don’t want this anymore.