I finally found a recipe for how to kill myself. I did a Google search for [what I had on hand] + suicide. Found an article about a doctor who killed himself using that method. Googled that doctor’s name and found the exact proportions of what he did.
Now to figure out what to do with it. My husband is much like a child, so I’m not sure I can handle the guilt of “orphaning” him (his parents won’t take him back in I’m sure). But I lose my job on 12/31, so if I do kill myself I want it to be in my office (so they’re forced to clean up) before then. Decisions, decisions…
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What led you to looking this up? I want to say, give yourself time, don’t set a date or a deadline — you need to breathe, and consider it all. But I don’t know how long you have been suicidal.
December 31st is so close. But hopefully far enough for you to find something in your life worth living for. Maybe you’ll spend a day with your husband that will change your perspective.
I hope so.
I cannot imagine how hard your life must be right now, but please do not jump to this conclusion. Wait and see what else is out there, maybe you can find something to help make you feel better…music, reading, a sport. I know it may not seem like it right now, but there is a reason why you are here, don’t give up.
I had posted earlier about losing my job on 12/31. I was fired, as close as I can tell, for being too old. (Don’t laugh, but I’m 32. Apparently that’s old enough to be unworthy of continuing at my software company populated by pre-pubescents.) Before then, they’re making me back up all of our live European customers so it can’t be the incompetence they suggested was the reason.
I have been wanting to die since I was 9 years old. There was one span of a year where I enjoyed living, about three years ago. One year out of 23 worthwhile? I regret having not succeeded dying in the fourth grade. I just don’t think my life is worth living. I don’t enjoy it, why the hell should I continue?