I have suffered from depression for the past year. My mother caught me cutting myself about 11months ago, and immediately put my into therapy. As if that would help. I break my shaving razors to get blades. she started making me take them to her after every shower.Â I had stopped for about 5months, because i had found my (ex) fiance and i wanted to stick around in this world for him, but as soon as he left me, i cut his name into my hip, i didn’t do it on my wrist, cuz 1, the risk of being caught again. 2, i wanted him back… i got him back, but he left me again about a month later. i have many cuts on my legs, right now I’m tempted to do it on my wrist. The past month i believe i have paranoid Schizophrenia. I don’t cut cuz i want to, i do it because the voice in my head is repeating everything bad i have ever heard about myself. and it really gets to me. No matter where i am, she is there yelling. and every time i see a blade i want it to accidentally hit me. Even in my art class with the exacto knives i want to steal one.Â Unlike a lot of cutters i know, i don’t cut in straight lines, i make words and letter and shapes. because there are so many different directions, and a higher chance of hitting a vein. I love the pain, the stinging, the adrenaline. If one day i happen to hit a vein, like i wish, i wonder if it ll be even better. the thought of dying doesn’t scare me.. personally i think everyone would be better off. My mom and dumbass step dad, are always putting me down. “Your gonna be a failure”, “Your gonna get pregnant at 16 and drop out of school”, “Your a a worthless piece of shit”, “Go cut yourself!”. Yeah i think they want me dead.. If there is anything anyone wants to know about this. Ask please.