I have suffered from depression for the past year. My mother caught me cutting myself about 11months ago, and immediately put my into therapy. As if that would help. I break my shaving razors to get blades. she started making me take them to her after every shower. I had stopped for about 5months, because i had found my (ex) fiance and i wanted to stick around in this world for him, but as soon as he left me, i cut his name into my hip, i didn’t do it on my wrist, cuz 1, the risk of being caught again. 2, i wanted him back… i got him back, but he left me again about a month later. i have many cuts on my legs, right now I’m tempted to do it on my wrist. The past month i believe i have paranoid Schizophrenia. I don’t cut cuz i want to, i do it because the voice in my head is repeating everything bad i have ever heard about myself. and it really gets to me. No matter where i am, she is there yelling. and every time i see a blade i want it to accidentally hit me. Even in my art class with the exacto knives i want to steal one. Unlike a lot of cutters i know, i don’t cut in straight lines, i make words and letter and shapes. because there are so many different directions, and a higher chance of hitting a vein. I love the pain, the stinging, the adrenaline. If one day i happen to hit a vein, like i wish, i wonder if it ll be even better. the thought of dying doesn’t scare me.. personally i think everyone would be better off. My mom and dumbass step dad, are always putting me down. “Your gonna be a failure”, “Your gonna get pregnant at 16 and drop out of school”, “Your a a worthless piece of shit”, “Go cut yourself!”. Yeah i think they want me dead.. If there is anything anyone wants to know about this. Ask please.
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I speak from experience of what you have posted. Extreme emotional pain is greater than any physical pain. I believe this is why people cut themselves. I also know that if you cut yourself on places on your body where it can not be terminal, you really don’t want to kill yourself even though you may feel you want to. Your crying out for help and wanting someone to understand you. I speak from experience. Think about the base of your soul. From reading your entry it seems like you have a lot of love and compassion inside you. I believe a lot of the base of your soul is suppressed by external conflicts (your mom and your family life). but no matter the love and compassion in your soul is still inside you. because your alive. Since your alive it can only grow stronger. its what keeps me going and one day I’m going to use it to help the world, so can you, see…..at the present moment you may feel alone, but your not, other wise…why else did i respond.. i hope this helps you seeking happiness.
the voice in your head, can you give detail?
i have but one thing and only one thing to tell you.
PROVE THEM WRONG.
im guessing your in uni or something similar from your comment, im in yr 10 in england so im 15. the last generation has left us in shit and 2012 and children of men both seem a little too close to home now but i swear that we are different. sure i see people who have angered dads or rich exploitive parents and they will probably follow their parents but who gives a shit. ive decided england can go fuck itself and id really hope that youll (whilst maybe sticking to your mother country if you want to) will at least do your part to change and help the world, i can instately tell that your intelligent and the voices you hear need little more than a GOOD therapist. your not alone. ive never attempted suicide but ive come close but ive now decided that im too valuable to the world. so are you, hold on and make money, be happy and fuck those who dont like you for you because there are those who do. i say to everyone younger than 30 at the moment the same thing. please dont laugh or think im not committed to it because i truly am with all my heart, when im out of uni and free of england im going to spark a revolution (i wont say where but its not in the 1st world) and probably die in the process. i have faith in my friends that they will rally me financial support in england when im gone so if youve realised what your worth and you believe that i at least deserve a chance living then please give whatever support you can or feel i deserve. just live and wait and survive and listen until you hear of a campain for a foreign revolution in england bearing any of these words; either “helot” or “hasta la victoria siempre” or “che”
i ask a lot for a person who probably seems sensationalistic but i feel that we have both been let down by our society and that we should strive with our lives to nurish one that might be able to start society anew
yours
che
thats me being sensationalistic not you (although you might be)
ok well i ask that you plz comment on my post (for cutters) plz i want to know what you think
Do not listen to your parents. They are so so so so so wrong. You are going to succeed in life by God’s will. There is a reason why your fiance left, because you and him weren’t meant to be married. God has designed the world’s perfect man just for you. But, God will never leave you. If you ask him to help you, He will. always! People in our lives can be so disappointing, but God will NEVER disappoint you. God bless you!