I am new to posting on this site, after reading many posts for a while now.
Short summary of the reason I am here:
I have suffered from depression for a long time now…I didn’t hurt myself for about 6 years but then I realized that for almost 5 of those years…I was holding onto something that I never truly had. A one sided friendship..that meant more to me than anything else. I realized that I am not good enough for him..that I deserve to be treated the way that he treats me.
I have nothing left to loose..no one knows me…not really. They think that I’m someone that I am not and I always have to hide my true self.
I’ve thought of ending it all so much for what seems like forever. I want to… so bad… I just want some peace.. I can’t talk to anyone about this..no one who knows me would understand.
I love my family..but I’m different from them..I never fit in with them..I’m on my own..just struggling to get by..what’s the point? Especially without love…Besides they all have someone that they and they love them back. Anyway..I have thought of several methods to end it..but i’m afraid it won’t work plus i don’t want to hurt him. Yet i don’t think he’ll notice if i’m gone… he’d be better off anyhow..
7 comments
You’re better, the fact that you’re willing to admit how you feel and blame yourself as opposed to him, or others, makes you a better person. Hold on, suicide isn’t a solution…although I’d love to make it MY solution.
Thanks..no one can really convince me that I’m better than him tho.. my family can’t see why I love him so much.
No..it won’t solve anything…questions will be left unanswered and my family would suffer for a little bit..they’d be okay tho.. I almost never see them anyway. Not sure how soon he’d forget about me. I just want it to be over. In almost 5 years I can’t stop thinking about him… he helped me through a lot of the fucked up shit I went through especially when I still lived at home.
I’ve never been good enough..people just lie and use me. I’m often a scapegoat where ever I work.
just stop right there kiddo. i know how you feel, almost exactly how u feel…and its a terrible terrible feeling. but just hold on, things will get better. and if hes doesnt care about you, he isnt worth it…you are, because you care. You’ll find someone one day 🙂 trust in yourself…suicide isnt the answer. trust me, ive known people who have n ive attempted 5 times this year…it isnt worth ending your life for… i dont know u, but ur worth so much more than that…things will work out if u stick through it and keep going with hope that it will be better…if u need to talk, im always here, just dont make this mistake…this is the one YOU CANT TAKE BACK…and it will hurt people, that boy, ur family, ur friends, and me. even though idk u, u matter to me n i will be very hurt if you do this
im also new to this site, i wasnt registered before this moment, but with your post, i felt i had to respond, as destiny and ashes said right above me, its really not worth it, theres always another option, another soloution, even if you dont see it right away, and think what im saying is stupid or doesnt make sense. Some of the best things in life come upon you by suprise, keep your chin up and hang in there.
I had actually planned to end everything back in October.. I had the perfect opportunity and I was ready but when it came down to that moment something he said the day before stopped me. I have many reasons to want to end everything. Ever since I was a child things have been fucked up. I just kept holding on for him..and now I seem to have fucked things up between us again. The times I’m with him have been the only thing I’ve looked forward to over the last couple years..and its not that frequent anymore.
My room mate is in love with me but I feel nothing romantic for him.
I know how you feel.. Everyone sees you as someone you’re not.. No one knows who you truly are.. You lack friends who support you through every shit you go through.. I’m on the exact same boat.. You can talk to me if you want to.. I don’t really have much to offer but listening and relating to your troubles.. Well I can’t really give much of help online.. But I’ll try my best..
vellessard: thanks it’s interesting that you would feel so motivated to comment. Guess all I can say is that I’ll hang on as long as I can.
Narugami: I’m sorry to hear you know how it feels. It really sucks, especially when you know you have to keep on faking it no matter how tired you are because if people knew you would only hurt and disappoint them.