Home General I am 18 years old, I know I know another stupid teen who wants to die, but I found this website and hmm why not? I was born in France and so were my parents, when I was 1 we moved to South America and then When I was 3 years old my father left me and my mom and took all our money, my mom sold all her jewlery and got a job cleaning places, and at the age of 6 we moved here to USA, I lived there for 4 years and then moved to Europe and there we moved again and again from Spain to France to Scotland, always leaving my friends behind, and now we moved back to USA. In all of this I been having suicidal thoughts since I was 12, I have something telling me at nights that I’m worthless and that I should die, I hanged myself, but eventually somehow I got a hold of a cabinet next to me, and managed to cut the rope, I keep trying and trying, I really want to live, not for me but for my mom, she raised me and I love her, I don’t want her walking into my corpse someday, I really don’t have anything to live for, but I want her to be happy, all I need is a way to keep myself alive until she dies, then I will kill myself with no trouble at all I don’t care if it hurts like hell I can’t take it I hear voices telling me to hang myself, to take pills, over and over again, like 4 times a day, I don’t have friends because of the voices, it’s probably me saying all this but I can’t make myself stop from hearing the voices, everyday they make me cry, why do I have this? It’s like they take control of my body and make me pull my hair until I start bleeding, I don’t believe in religion, but is there a cure for this devil in me? I don’t know how else to describe it, it happens when I’m alone. I know you all don’t care, but the other day I almost jumped off this building, I didn’t stand on the edge because I don’t want attention, but I pass trough there everyday and one day I think I will do it.
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I am 18 years old, I know I know another stupid teen who wants to die, but I found this website and hmm why not? I was born in France and so were my parents, when I was 1 we moved to South America and then When I was 3 years old my father left me and my mom and took all our money, my mom sold all her jewlery and got a job cleaning places, and at the age of 6 we moved here to USA, I lived there for 4 years and then moved to Europe and there we moved again and again from Spain to France to Scotland, always leaving my friends behind, and now we moved back to USA. In all of this I been having suicidal thoughts since I was 12, I have something telling me at nights that I’m worthless and that I should die, I hanged myself, but eventually somehow I got a hold of a cabinet next to me, and managed to cut the rope, I keep trying and trying, I really want to live, not for me but for my mom, she raised me and I love her, I don’t want her walking into my corpse someday, I really don’t have anything to live for, but I want her to be happy, all I need is a way to keep myself alive until she dies, then I will kill myself with no trouble at all I don’t care if it hurts like hell I can’t take it I hear voices telling me to hang myself, to take pills, over and over again, like 4 times a day, I don’t have friends because of the voices, it’s probably me saying all this but I can’t make myself stop from hearing the voices, everyday they make me cry, why do I have this? It’s like they take control of my body and make me pull my hair until I start bleeding, I don’t believe in religion, but is there a cure for this devil in me? I don’t know how else to describe it, it happens when I’m alone. I know you all don’t care, but the other day I almost jumped off this building, I didn’t stand on the edge because I don’t want attention, but I pass trough there everyday and one day I think I will do it.

by johndupont
written by johndupont
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4 comments

Sad Thoughts 12/19/2010 - 10:08 pm

Have you considered counseling? I’m not one to talk, since I need it but choose not to get it, but have you at least tried? Someone may be able to make the voices be quiet.

Fitch504 12/19/2010 - 10:38 pm

I know, I am no one to you. And probably, very unimportant. I am 18 years old, also. I will be 19 in less than a month. I am a female, so I am sensitive to this kind of subject. I don’t even know you, but I know that your life is worth something. Think of all of the great things about yourself!! You have lived, you have traveled, you have been all over. Yes, it’s sad…because you lost friends. But I think you seem very interesting. I know, you don’t want to talk to a counselor because you may think that they will laugh, but really, I think it could definitely help. You just haven’t found something worth living for yet. I am telling you, You don’t have to believe in God, but believing in something always helps me through when I feel the way you’re feeling. hopeless…lost…pointless.
Life isn’t always beautiful, but once I Started trying to be close to God.. it really lifted me in every way. Even when I Was hopeless. I Always found something worth living for since then. Even when the world seems to crash around me. You are so young.. you have so much going for you. I think you should find something you really like… something you’d love to do. And then… do it.
I love to paint and I’m getting a tattoo gun for christmas. I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome and horrible anxiety that gets me to the point where I can’t really leave the house much…at all really. It sucks.. and its in my head.. but I still find things worth living for. And love…love is the number one thing for me. Love of all things. There is so much beauty in language, religion, love, nature, science, everything. I suggest you try to believe in God…. I think it could help!
Please, be careful. <3

meyoh 12/19/2010 - 10:48 pm

hey, i’m one years older than you but i’m pretty much in the same boat. been here and there. moved to far east and europe lotsa times. my parents are good but they barely understood me. i hear voices and am suicidal and miserable much (i know i’m goddamn pathetic) and i can’t travel in a car or cross the road without thinking of jumping on the gun.

all i’m saying is, i understand. i do.

and it hurts me to know that there’s someone else out there who’s suffering like this.

about the voices. i managed to take control over it when i was younger. key thing is, the voice is a part of you. other part of you that’s stuck and looms in your head. what i did was rather than rejecting them i welcomed them. i talk to them (IN PRIVATE). show them who’s boss (but never rejecting, just accepting the fact that they are there) and over time, they subject themselves to me and now they listen to me.

though they can still get naughty sometimes. i don’t know if that made sense to you but it works for me. i embraced my inner crazy and it turns out that they (the voices) can be more subtle than they appear at first (since now they are the ones telling me to stop when i have a blade in my hand or up on the roof).

i’m NOT suggesting you to do the same. almost every psychiatrist wouldn’t resort to such method (but since i’m not one so who gives a fuck). playing with your mind can be a dangerous game. i got lucky. i hope your going to be fine. i do.

and i do (despite everything) believe in God so i’m praying for you too. good luck.

thereishope 4/12/2014 - 11:38 am

About the voices, I bet they’re demonic and of the devil.

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