It’s Christmas the happiest time of the year and I am just sitting in my bed crying. I am upset that I will spend Christmas alone. Why Can’t I handle this why can’t I want this more, I just want to give up. I hate myself. No one loves me and no one ever will. My parents don’t understand me they send my away to a therapist to get me to understand the value of life and how I am supposed to be. The guy who tells me he loves me can’t even make it to my Christmas, because his brother tells him all he does is listen to other people…. So he bails on my Christmas. Than he blames me for getting made at him. I am stressed out about everyone else because no one can handle their own problems. I have to handle them so I have my friends break up and my rocky relationship. And I know I shouldn’t be this upset but it sucks my boyfriend who I love with all my heart who used to be great now can’t give a damn. I already think I am shit person I don’t need his help. I don’t want to feel this way I don’t want to be upset. I want to feel nothing .Â Just cold and heartless because love isn’t worth it because no one can love me and want me the way I want because I am ridiculous and that will never change.