My life.. Why does every shit happen to me? What have I ever done? Everyday of my life, before I go to sleep, I always think about dying.. I always ask myself why was I even born.. Why do I have to go through everything? School and people around me, they see me as something I’m not.. I smile a lot but every smile burns me on the inside.. Everything hurts.. Why do I only have people who use me? People who doesn’t care about me? I don’t have anyone.. No friends.. My parents are divorced, my mom makes me feel like I’m just an unimportant extra baggage she can’t dispose of.. My stepfather and I are not close.. My childhood sucked.. I was passed on to different relatives like some sort of toy..
I’m only 16 and I already want to end my life genuinely.. I want a quick and painless death.. Overdose seems painful.. Jumping from high places seems like you have a chance of surviving.. A gun would be nice.. I just can’t find one..
Maybe all I need is a genuine friend.. Someone who will be there for me.. Someone who won’t leave when shit happens.. I don’t know why I can’t have that.. I’ve taken painful physical and verbal beatings for a person who I thought was my friend before.. But as soon as he had the chance he turned against me too.. I helped everyone if I could.. I tried my best to back them up.. When I needed them they just laughed and turned against me.. All I need is someone who I know will be there no matter what.. Someone who will stick close to me despite all the shit.. But I doubt I can find someone like that.. Not now anyways.. It’s too late.. I’ve closed myself to people.. If someone who went through the same or similar shit as me comes, maybe we will get along.. I don’t know.. If I had a gun, I’m sure I would be gone..
I don’t believe in god. I don’t believe in satan. I don’t believe in the afterlife.
4 comments
I dont know why no one has tried to help you, but i go through something extremely similar…and i want to help you…really help. Not the help people offer cause they feel bad and dont get it. I DO GET IT. ive attempted suicide 5 times in the last year…and if no one else cares about you just remember I CARE, i dont know you, but i dont need to…i can tell ur a strong person and you deserve to live. dont blame yourself for others mistakes..its not worth it…i know it seems hard, but you’ll be okay in the end, as long as you DONT GIVE UP 🙂 talk to me about anything you need to, im here to help you 🙂
wow, let me tell ya something.. im 24 years old, know exactly how ya feel, no joke, no bullshit. for me, my childhood sucked as well, my best friends abandoned me for reasons ill never understand.
Ask me about my family, and ill tell you “What family?” my mothers not been apart of my life since i was an infant, and even then from what im told, i wasnt that important to her, in fact, the day after i was born, she took a trip to vegas. I never had a father, my step-father is one of the few people id say who deserves the title ‘scum of the earth’ most of my family dont bother to have anything to do with me unless they want something, i dont live with any of them, i live with people i barely even know, one of the few things im thankful for, but its more of the same, id rather not talk about my school days, i tried to fit in, and get along with other students, but people can be incredibly cruel, acting like your friend one moment, not wanting anything to do with you when ya need a friend. Too many betrayals to count.
in any case.. that was a bit long-winded and a bit of a rant, but, if you need to vent, or want to talk e-mail me; vellessard@gmail.com that goes for anyone that feels like they might need to talk
Listen maybe you think you are a victim, and is not like that, you are lucky you have something to eat today, something to drink too, I came for a differente reality, a place where life is nothing, where dogs have better life than babies, or than kids, I didnt have a good childhood too, but I am ok after all, there people in worse situation than you.
Something we just dont take a look around us, and we feel the world move around us, but you know we can make a change and althoug we are in pain, we can help anyone else that has more pain than us.
lol be strong!! you can make it, your spirit is strong, be tough, be brave, be a better person than the rest, I wish you the best!!