i am a 25 years old female with 3 wonderful children and a loving husband. I am going to say that my life was never this happy. I grew up in the ghetto of Brooklyn NY..though i had a loving mother and father and 3 other siblings. i went through things in life that made me rebel. Rape, Molestation, drugs, etc. I was just an unhappy teen. I was always to myself, and still to this day I am the same way. But I am more happier now than i was back than, i was just dark.at the age of 7 i was molested till i was about 8 or nine. When i went to j.h.s. that was when everything took a turn for the worst. I was smoking marijuana and cigarettes, drinking, cutting school, having sex. I thought that was the way to fill the emptiness i felt inside. I felt useless to the world. I hated so many people. I hurt so many people because of all that was done to me. I treated men like crap. But none of that helped. I started dating this guy and he loved me dearly but i just couldn’t get myself to be nice. So i cheated on him time and time again..That was when i got raped. I was so high and far gone and didn’t even realize what i was getting myself into. The guys that did it to me just told everyone that i was easy and it was all worth it. the guy and his friends had laced the drug and to tell u the truth i dont remember much of what happened. that was the worst year of my life. while my entire class was graduating i was at home by myself taking a half bottle of sleeping bills, and half a bottle of muscle relaxers. i was gone. I was rushed to the hospital when they pumped my stomach. I was in a coma for about a week. The docs all said that it was a miracle that i survived.
I went through a whole lot of depression and my world was still dark after that. I had my son at the age of 17 and felt like i was just worthless…i had no diploma i was not going to school. i wasn’t working, what was i able to offer my child.
there is a lot to my story but i will not get into all, but i will say that it took me til i got my 2nd child before i realized that i was worth something. That is when i realized that there are going to be times that things are going to get rough and u may feel like this is it, but there are people that care about u and love u dearly, and if not God will always love and care for u. No matter if you believe him or not. I am not a religious person but i do know that God made my life the way it is now. I could of been dead right now if it wasn’t for the doc’s that revived me but God had a purpose for me and he made it all possible. and just like me and many others out there, u will survive too..don’t give up, life is a big obstacle course, all u have to pass it. don’t give up on yourself, i may not know any of u but i will not give up on u. just know that i survived and so can u..dont take the step in trying when u know that u may not get the chance i got. you don’t want to live in a burning fire for the rest of eternity. trust me.
if any of you need some one to talk or just someone that will listen please feel free to write me on here or email me at star_723_369@yahoo.com
4 comments
That is very inspirational, well said.
thank you….
I am very happy for you–but don’t appreciate the comment about burning for all of eternity. That kind of religious bullshit keeps people, both the living and the wanting to die–in chains. It’s one thing to believe in God and to believe what you want to believe, but it is HOSTILE to threaten people with hell for killing themselves–especially since that is just YOUR belief.
I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be mean to YOU, and wish you every joy after you came through so much pain, but I feel the need to speak on behalf of and in support of suicidal people who might read your post and feel threatened, and judged and just made worse, by your last statement about burning for eternity.
….and by the way, I may be rationalizing, but the fact that you didn’t die did NOT have to do with yourself but with the people who saved you. So your belief is, because of THAT, you will die a natural death and will not burn for eternity. But if those people had NOT found you, or had found you just a little bit later, and you had died–THEN you would burn in hell for all of eternity??? I’m really sorry, and NOT trying to be mean to you at all. It’s just that for many people, who have physical or mental disorders that truely make this life unbearable–they do NOT need this kind of reasoning. If you try to commit suicide and are saved, you can still go to heaven, but if you are not saved, you’ll go to hell.
I just hate it and I’m sorry.