i think i will put the knife down

i still hate life. i still hate myself. i still hate doctors. i still cry sponataneously. i still get angry randomly. i still hear the voices. i still will never let anyone touch me (i doubt i ever will). i still feel worthless. i still am very sick and losing more weight right now. i still have difficulty waking up. i still hate the world. i still want to beat the shit out of myself sometimes.

but i dont want to die.

granted, i am still an ungrateful peice of shit who should throw herself off a bridge or better yet listen to the Dark Man. But someone changed my life. someone made me smile today. i refuse to put her name on here but i love her. yes. i do love her. finally. i love her. its strange. we went out for five months and then we break up. and now i love her.

tml. i love her.
🙂

i hope you all find a tml like her.

granted she wont solve everything. and ill probably have to go to therapy for all the shit ive seen and done. (sad thing is, im only 15) and we will probably break up and never see eachother again. but i decided i will get better.

may you all figure out how to go on 🙂