…because of one teacher. My Finnish teacher. (I am a Finn so it’s not a subject I can quit, and we have a lot of courses of Finnish.) I want to cut deep, deep cuts and were a short sleeved shirt so she can see that it is real. I want to kill myself in a rough way so sheÂ knew that it was real.
And sheÂ could think herself every night allÂ the times she bursted to laugh at me in front of the class. So she could think all the times she denyed my opinions. She could think all the times she blamed me of cutting school for being in therapy. She could realize that maybe I really was going through hard times and really needed those therapy sessions.
That maybe my absences with reason “attack of anxiety” weren’t made up.
In Finland the highest possible grade is 10, and my mean of report was 9,5 so what the hellÂ would I be forÂ in gymnasium and cutting lessons? How dares she blame me of cutting lessons with me doing so much for getting those grades? How dares she blame me of cutting lessonsÂ for beingÂ inÂ therapy?
How can she fail my course with well done exams because of cut lessons? I WAS ON THERAPIST.
I just want to slice my wrists open so she could see that I do not cut lessons. So she could see that I am a good, conscientious student. I want to attempt suicide and do it in a rough, filthy way so she knew that I was a good student.
I can’t manage with this teacher. My gymnasium is so tiny that we’ve got only one teacher for Finnish so I can’t swap the teacher. I think I will quit the fucking school if she won’t believe after seeing my old scars and new wounds.