I’ve been feeling extremely depressed for the last 3 years of my life, and I can’t help but feel bad because it’s my fault that I feel this way. I’m introverted, quiet, and a bit shy. Everytime I’d try to open up and be friendly, it always seems to back fire on me. I haven’t changed much since then.
I try to grin and bear it, holding in all my feelings, but it’s hard. My family claims to have tried to help me feel better, and they’ve gotten frustrated with me. They want me to reach out to people, to go out with friends like my sister does. They want me to play sports and dance around and do all these things that I don’t want to do. I’mÂ basically theÂ black sheep of my family, so I don’t getÂ anyone to understand that. I can’t so much as twitch my lips a certain way without someone yelling at me, telling me to either cheer up, shut up, or listen to them tell me something that doesn’t help at all.
The only way I’ve managed to keep up a somewhat mellow appearance is through cutting. My family and most friends have told me to stop, and they’ve told me the risks. My boyfriend’s even asked me to stop, but it’s the only way for me to get relief, especially now that I can’t talk to him openly anymore. He knows I’m a masochist, and he likes that, but he doesn’t like it when I hurt myself.
IÂ must sound extremely pathetic, I mean I have every material thing I could ever want. But, emotionally, I just want toÂ stop the pain.. I can’t take much of it anymore.
No one ever likes the depressed girl, and it’s hard to be happy when all you ever do is disappoint people.