Life is hard for everyone but for some people its a whole lot harder. I suffer from severe depression and have done on and off for the last 3 years now. The thought of dying scares me but the thought of living scares me more. The worst part of this awful illness is people do not understand which leaves you feeling so alone. People look at me and wonder what I have to be so down about….I have great friends, am very attractive and seem to have alot going for me from an outsiders perspective but I’ve always felt very different. Nowadays the only thing that gets me though the day is the thought of dying, then all this pain will come to an end but I know it will destroy those close to me even though they find me hard to deal with so I’m in a no win situation….I hate feeling so low, it really is the worst feeling ever.
6 comments
i relate to this. Especially the part where you say that “the only thing that gets me though the day is the thought of dying”. I wish things get better for the both of us. I wish i don’t have to do what i have planned to do.
If you want to talk, just tell me. I’d be happy to chat with you. I would be happy to chat with ANYBODY who has the same feelings that I’m having right now. You can give me your hotmail or yahoo and we will chat whenever you want.
‘the thought of dying scares me, but the thought of living scares me more’
– I relate to that statement so fucking much..
I know what you mean by destroying the closet people to you, I just try and think its my life and that I shouldnt have to live like this, in this body I dont respect, with this life I really dont enjoy.
Like lala said I wish i don’t have to do what Ive got planned to do either.. but its complicated, seems like the only thing ive got left to live for, because I havent lived for myself in 3 years now.
I know how you feel. I think 2011 is going to be my last year cos I don’t know how much longer I can take feeling this low.
Hey i feel the same everyone looks at me and thinks what could you possibly have wrong your spoilt have a pretty good family dont really have anything to worry about never really had anything bad happen to me but yet im so sad and depressed no one understands unless they’ve gone through it or are going through it they really do have no idea what its like i may appear fine on the outside but i have a nightmare goin on inside my head and its slowly been killing me over the years and and yes i know that feeling all too well scared to live but scared to die argh its soo frustrating and yes i also agree with what you said im the same the only thing that keeps me goin is the thought that i could just end it all if i wanted to like the thought of killing myself and it not being too brutal and succeeding makes me feel happy and calm im begining to love that thought
Oh and in case you were wondering why im so suicidal its cause im the same i also suffer from depression and i suffer from anxiety and its a bloody curse!
I feel you in so many aspects of your post. The only thing I look forward to is going home and laying in bed and thinking about death. I’ve been doing that routine for the past year now although Ive had depression for 6 years now. Death is painful but living is just excruciating! I feel like god has let me down in so many ways. I don’t want to hurt my family but at the same time I’m a coward to a actually go through with the suicide…